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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

in some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and dis advantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #dis #message
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there is no denying the fact that the big majority of
kids
 prefer to get all their targets in life alone,
however
, there are some drawbacks maybe will
happene
Correct your spelling
happen
 if the parents don't take care of their children, in fact,
this
 issue has big two sides must be illustrated,
that is
 why,
this
 essay will discuss both cons and pros of
this
 topic, and eventually, in the end, I will provide my opinions and I will draw the analyzing and provide my express. in terms of the advantages of giving the children the whole responsibilities of their behaviours that will let them build significant valuable aspects on their personalities,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the words, they will be able to solve problems and make decisions easily,
for instance
, if the
kids
 face a complicated situation he will make a plan to solve it with high Selfe steam, in another word, the
kids
 will be acts like an adult. on the other side, the second view of
this
 topic
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the disadvantages, really they are various numbers of parents who never ever let their
kids
 do anything they want to do without their caring and opinions, to illustrate, they have a high level of awareness about their child, that because of many reasons:
firstly
, the
kids
 could not have enough considerations for
every thing
Correct your spelling
everything
show examples
 in life and they need help in several events,
for example
, the
kids
 will not be able to travel abroad and communicate with others. in conclusion, it is not easy to answer
this
 question, and both sides have valuable points,
however
, I wholeheartedly think that every kid should have to have his special zone so they have been growing with a strong personality,
also
 the parents must take the big role from the cares of their children at some of the life’s dictions.
Submitted by eman.alghamdi2018 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on structuring your essay more clearly with distinct paragraphs for introduction, each argument, and conclusion. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
Task Achievement
Develop your arguments with more specific examples and explanations to support your points, providing a more in-depth analysis of each advantage and disadvantage.
Language
Work on refining your grammar and vocabulary to minimize errors and enhance clarity. Aim for variety in sentence structures and accurate word choices.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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