IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that children should be homeschooled when they are very young while others think it is better for them to attend a kindergarten. Which do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#people #children #kindergarten #support
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It argued that homeschooling
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
toddlers is the best option in comparison with
send
Change the verb form
sending
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 them to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kindergarten
. In my personal opinion, attending
actual
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
kindergarten
 is the best option for
children
 in their early childhood for two main reasons.
First,
conventional
kindergarten
 is much more efficient in budget.
Then
, the
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
 for socialization which
an
Add a missing verb
is an
show examples
 important factor for
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 mental development only can be fulfilled by attending
kindergarten
.
To begin
 with, homeschooling is well-known as
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 expensive form of education. The cost of
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
show examples
 teacher and
nessecity
Replace the word
the necessity
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to provide the means of teaching
such
 as educational toys are two of many reasons why homeschooling is applicable only
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the haves. On the other, those costly things can be found in the conventional
kindergarten
. All the teachers and the supporting facilities are not personal
obligation
Change the noun form
obligations
show examples
.
A mental
Correct article usage
Mental
show examples
 development so
the
Correct determiner usage
that
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children
 will
socially
Add a missing verb
be socially
show examples
 healthy in the future is the most vital pillar
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 early childhood education. Homeschooling can't answer that need since most of the time it's only involving
relation
Add an article
the relation
show examples
 between a child with the personal teacher hired by parents.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 group homeschooling
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
exist
Correct subject-verb agreement
exists
show examples
, it will not be able to solve the challenge because the spectrum of interaction is not as broad as in
counterpart
Correct pronoun usage
its counterpart
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, conventional
kindergarten
.
To sum up
,
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 present in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kindergarten
 is better than having
homeschool
Wrong verb form
homeschooling
show examples
 for the
children
 because of its
affordabillity
Correct your spelling
affordability
 and its benefit for the mental development of
children
 by allowing them to be involved in social interaction with other
children
 in a broader spectrum.
Submitted by writingieltsband9 on

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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully answers the question asked. You should explore both viewpoints before presenting your opinion. Provide more detailed examples and explanations to support your arguments, making your stance clearer and more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, work on improving the logical flow of your ideas throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using a variety of transition words and phrases to guide the reader from one point to the next seamlessly. Additionally, organize your paragraphs more effectively, ensuring that each paragraph sticks to one main idea and is thoroughly developed.
General
To strengthen your essay further, pay attention to your grammar and vocabulary. Varied sentence structures and a higher level of vocabulary can make your writing more engaging and persuasive. Additionally, ensure to proofread your essay to correct any grammatical errors and enhance overall clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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