Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for eg. through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
In today’s world, technologies have rapidly developed, allowing people to have
more
comfortable life, particular, smartphones can connect to others more easily, but sometimes is not safe and may be tagged by companies or some applications that we permitted when installing Add an article
a more
apps
without being unconscious. In my opinion, I believe that has drawbacks
than benefits and I will explain below.
In modern times, it is undeniable that most people have a phone and always carry it Correct quantifier usage
more drawbacks
ourselves
because smartphones can call others, pay money by banking without cash and do online shopping. Correct pronoun usage
themselves
Moreover
, aim to release stress by listening to music, watching VDO on YouTube etc., However
, before they use apps
on phones, we necessary install apps
while
they are placing these then
the screen displays “allowing to follow?” so, we avoid to click
“YES”. Change the verb form
clicking
Although
, permitting are
useful like activity analysis when using Correct subject-verb agreement
is
apps
can advise us to use next,
but has more drawbacks that applications can follow us such
as location, pictures on the phone etc., during the using
of Replace the word
use
apps
. Moreover
, if companies are
Unnecessary verb
apply
stealed
the data of users may spread in social networks.
Correct your spelling
steal
On the other hand
, the government have PDPA laws to prevent private data of customers needed to allow from own before access it to the public. At
Change preposition
As
the
result, reducing Correct article usage
a
the
cybercrime in society. Correct article usage
apply
However
, the state should encourage companies to keep user identities such
as investing in systems safer.
In conclusion, it seems that the threat of information technology is surrounding us. However
, before clicking “YES” on cellphones
should read the consent form with caution and Correct your spelling
cell phones
also
, keep aways
Correct your spelling
away
the
latest news about technology.Change preposition
from the
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coherence cohesion
Work on establishing a clearer logical structure by better organizing your paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea followed by supporting sentences.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion. Your introduction should clearly state your opinion on the topic, while your conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion.
task achievement
Develop your main points more thoroughly with specific examples and explanations to support your arguments. This will also help in meeting the task requirements more effectively.
task achievement
Aim to address the task more directly by providing a more balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages, along with a clear position that reflects the essay question.
coherence cohesion
Improve clarity and coherence by transitioning smoothly between ideas and paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.