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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries nowadays, more and more women have full-time jobs as men, so there is logic that men and women should share the housework tasks equally. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
There is no denying
tha
Correct your spelling
the
that
 fact that nowadays the majority of countries
treated
Wrong verb form
treat
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 equally
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
men
a man
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 in terms of
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief
women
Use synonyms
 should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
work full-time.There are
also
Linking Words
 an argument
opposes
Correct pronoun usage
that opposes
show examples
 it.In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 consider that
women
Use synonyms
 working full-time
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
would be a huge benefit not only for
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
 system but
also
Linking Words
to utilize
Change preposition
for utilizing
show examples
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 skills.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Support
Replace the word
Supporting
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 is really crucial to
improv
Correct your spelling
improve
show examples
 our community because when she
working
Wrong verb form
works
show examples
 full-time she
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
payed
Correct your spelling
paid
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
Use synonyms
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
sallery
Correct your spelling
salary
.
In other
Linking Words
words
Add a comma
words,
show examples
 There are many advantages to
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 working full-time
women
Use synonyms
 more
creativity
Replace the word
creative
show examples
 and most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
prefer
Add the particle
prefer to
show examples
 make
deal
Fix the agreement mistake
deals
show examples
 with female
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
.In
addision
Correct your spelling
addition
,Time management could help
women
Use synonyms
 to do household
beside
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 their job.
For example
Linking Words
,
According
Add the preposition
According to
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
 study in
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
show examples
 the most successful
women
Use synonyms
 those working full day.
Body paragraph 2
Another point to consider,sharing responsibility is important.
Men
Use synonyms
 should
be having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
knowledge
Change the article
the knowledge
show examples
 to deal with house
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 and look after kids.It is possible to say that life
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 more cooperation it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 to less
strees
Correct your spelling
stress
 and
decrease
Change the verb form
decreases
show examples
 the conflict with
men
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
moreover
Capitalize word
Moreover
show examples
,
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 with two parents
employees
Correct word choice
and employees
show examples
 are much
happer
Correct your spelling
happier
versus
Change preposition
than
show examples
 with their not working.
For instance
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 many negative
consequenses
Correct your spelling
consequences
 for kids, their parents
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 full-time but still
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 chance to live their life without budget
deffect
Correct your spelling
deficit
defect
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
despit
Correct your spelling
despite
 people having different views.I believe that the main purpose of the government
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
 engage
women
Use synonyms
 in the job market because they
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 they can work like
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
.

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Introduction
Improve the clarity and structure of your introduction. Present your thesis statement more clearly to immediately inform the reader of your stance on the issue.
Body Paragraphs
Work on developing clear and well-structured paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by explanations and examples.
Linking Words
Use a wider range of connectors and discourse markers to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will help enhance coherence and cohesion.
Grammar and Punctuation
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation. Frequent errors can hinder the clarity of your argument and reduce the overall effectiveness of your essay.
Task Response
Address the task more directly by providing more specific examples and explanations relevant to the topic. Analyzing both sides of the argument before presenting your own viewpoint can enrich your essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • evolutionary shift
  • workforce participation
  • shared responsibilities
  • partnership model
  • connected relationships
  • domestic sphere
  • gender equality
  • role models
  • practical challenges
  • technological advancements
  • societal norms
  • distribution of chores
  • physical ability
  • personal preferences
  • alleviate the burden
  • dynamics
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