IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Details of politicians' private lives should not be published in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is believed that publishing politicians' private
information
Use synonyms
 in the media should be avoided, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint because it can pose a threat to their families and obtaining
this
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 breaking the law. The primary concern is that leaked internal
information
Use synonyms
 about politicians can have frightening consequences for their families. In certain situations, terrorists may exploit
this
Linking Words
 by using torture on family members of political figures in order to manipulate them into complying with their demands, which could potentially jeopardize the safety of the country.
For instance
Linking Words
, In India, Prime Minister Indra Gandhi was assassinated by individuals who pretended to be her security guards. 
This
Linking Words
 happened because they received news that PM was alone at home with minimal security.
Secondly
Linking Words
, It is not a straightforward process to obtain internal
information
Use synonyms
 about political leaders. It is expected that anyone 
Correct pronoun usage
who work
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work
Change the verb form
works
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 with them has to sign
contract
Add an article
a contract
the contract
show examples
 of privacy and confidentiality. Certain
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 use a bribery as
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
 of acquiring
information
Use synonyms
. When confidential
information
Use synonyms
 is
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
leaked, it means someone has broken the law, which could result in legal action, including the employee being dismissed from employment or even imprisonment.
For instance
Linking Words
,
presence
Correct article usage
the presence
show examples
 of untrustworthy people around is
serious
Add an article
a serious
show examples
 concern for politicians as they pose a threat to their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 and loved ones. In conclusion, It is crucial to protect the privacy of political leaders;
otherwise
Linking Words
, it will be dangerous for their families and lead to frequent violations of privacy laws.

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logical structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introductory paragraph that presents your thesis statement succinctly. Then, organize your supporting arguments logically in the body paragraphs, each focusing on a distinct point with examples. Your conclusion should summarize your arguments succinctly.
introduction conclusion present
Make sure your essay starts with a clear introduction stating your viewpoint, followed by coherent paragraphs that logically progress from one idea to the next, and ends with a concise conclusion summarizing your main points.
supported main points
Develop your main points by providing more detailed explanations, evidence, and examples. Each argument should be clearly stated and elaborated upon with relevant information to strengthen your essay.
complete response
To fully address the task, ensure your response covers all aspects of the question. Expand on your ideas with detailed analysis and examples. Address potential counterarguments to provide a balanced and comprehensive argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and develop your ideas thoroughly in each paragraph. Avoid vague statements by providing specific examples and reasons. This will make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
relevant specific examples
Enhance your argument by including more varied and specific examples. Reference real-world events, studies, or hypothetical situations to support your points. This adds credibility and depth to your analysis.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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