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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some parents think that children should do extracurricular activities. Others think that this will give them pressure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#parents #children #activities #pressure
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Although
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 it is sometimes thought that
childchildren
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child children
 ought to do extra
curricularactivities
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curricular activities
after school,other people believe that
such
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activities
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 can lead
children
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 to be under pressure. In my opinion, I consider that extracurricular
activities
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 may put
children
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 under stress. On the one hand ,some people think that
children
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 who do extracurricular
activities
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 can gain several benefits which can
be help
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help
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 them greatly in their lives ,and I agree.
In other words
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 , doing more curricular
activities
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 after school
such
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sports
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as sports
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 can be beneficial for
students
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,
expecially
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especially
 in terms of their health. If,
overweigh
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overweight
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children
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,
for example
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, are encouraged to
do
Verb problem
play
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spots
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sports
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, namely playing football after
shool
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school
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 hours, they can burn their calories fast and be in shape. .
Furthermore
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,unlike extracurricular
activities
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,academic subjects do not teach
students
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 skills and teamwork.
Therefore
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,
students
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 have more opportunity to develop their social life skills.
On the other hand
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,it is often believed that the focus should be on academic subjects
instead
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 of focus on extracurricular
activities
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 because it can put
children
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 under pressure.Some
students
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 are not interested in any curricular
activities
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,and they prefer to focus only on their academic subjects,so they do not want any distractions from any other
activities
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.
For example
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,some
students
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 try to study science and medicine, so for them doing extracurricular
activities
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 is pointless.
Moreover
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,forcing extracurricular
activities
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 does not promote independence or autonomy.
To sum up
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,
while
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 people may vary in their opinions, I think that
children
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 stand a better chance of succeeding in social life if they have extracurricular
activities
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 in their schools.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, ensure that you address the question directly and develop your ideas fully. Try to balance the discussion of both views before stating your opinion. Incorporate more specific examples to substantiate your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, aim for a clearer logical structure by organizing your paragraphs effectively. Start with a topic sentence for each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence. Ensure smooth transitions between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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