IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is haveing a negative effect on children

#people #media #coverage #celebrities #effect #children
It is true that
cars
 are accelerating the proliferation of global warming.
For
this
 reason ,
people
 argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
It has an adverse effect on
people
. In
this
 disquisition, I will provide three possible resolutions in order to discourage
people
 from
usinguse
Correct your spelling
using
using use
cars
. One possible way to discourage
people
 from using
cars
 is to explain the drawbacks. It can be done by showing the repercussions on several platforms or even on TV.
As a result
 , It can encourage our subsequent generation to not utilize
this
 type of vehicle. Despite
this
 ,
this
 approach is less likely to work , as In many countries
people
 tend to ignore
this
 sort of thing. Another possible approach to discourage individuals to not using
cars
 is to ban and replace them with electric
cars
. Governments should ban
cars
 , which produce carbon dioxide and other emissions. It is possible that
this
 method may reduce the spread of air pollution and prevent global warming.
However
 , In many circumstances , It has a detrimental impact on an individual's health.
For instance
 , electric
cars
 can trigger some diseases ,
such
 as cancer or even heart attacks.
Finally
 , politicians should encourage or even force
people
 to utilize public transport. Governments can set limits by establishing diverse types of laws.
As a consequence
,
people
 are more likely to use public transport ,
such
 as buses, bicycles and subways. It can
therefore
 be concluded that there are plenty of ways to discourage humans to not using vehicles.
However
 , I vehemently believe that politicians need to explain the consequences , replace
cars
 and coerce residents to use public transport.
Submitted by ruznadir on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure the essay directly addresses the given topic and maintains relevance throughout.
Task Achievement
Focus on providing specific examples to support your main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on your essay's structure, aim for a more coherent link between paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion are clear, presenting the topic and summarizing the main points effectively.
Language
Review grammar and vocabulary for accuracy and variety.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: