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Writing Samples
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The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #sales #sectors #zealand #information #features #comparisons
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The diagram illustrates the Internet market sales for retail sectors in New Zealand between 2003 and 2013. Regarding the first year (2003),
Travel
Use synonyms
 had the highest ratio by far in comparison to others.
In addition
Linking Words
, Film
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
music and
clothes
Use synonyms
 both held
second
Use synonyms
place
Use synonyms
 at about 22
percent
Use synonyms
 and they were closely followed by
books
Use synonyms
. In regard to the
second
Use synonyms
 year of record (2013), Film and music had the first rank and
travel
Use synonyms
 held the
second
Use synonyms
 position.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Books
Use synonyms
 had the send
place
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
clothes
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
were
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
place
Use synonyms
, it was not far from the
books
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, even though
travel
Use synonyms
 had first
place
Use synonyms
 in 2003, it ended up being in
second
Use synonyms
 position.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
clothes
Use synonyms
 were
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
place
Use synonyms
 in both years but with different
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentages
show examples
 of sales.
Thus
Linking Words
, the most graduate increase was for the film and music category
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that it came from 22 to 33
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the most reduction was for
travel
Use synonyms
 on account of the fact that it came from 37 to 29
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, there were the least changes in
clothes
Use synonyms
 and
books
Use synonyms
 and they almost remained in their positions,
Submitted by Parsahassani077 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words travel, clothes, second, place, percent, books with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Retail sectors
  • Online shopping sales
  • Market share
  • E-commerce
  • Growth trend
  • Significant change/increase/decrease
  • Percentage points
  • Consumer behavior
  • Shopping patterns
  • Revenue
  • Electronic goods
  • Clothing and footwear
  • Health and beauty products
  • Digital downloading
  • Leisure and personal goods
  • Sector analysis
  • Year-over-year comparison
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