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Band 4

the amount of shops that closed and opened since 2011 until 2018.

#amount #shops
The picture illustrates the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of shops that closed and opened
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2011 until 2018. As we can see, the
overall
 patterns remained the same between the
closures
 and
openings
 numbers, with little differences. Both
closures
 and
openings
 numbers were decreased in 2012 and 2015.
However
, the lowest
number
 was by the
closures
 in 2015, with only 1000 at the time.
This
 amount was an extreme change from other years which showed the range of
closures
 numbers from 5000-7200, which means 4000-6200
closures
 different from the other years.
Although
 closure's lowest point showed an extreme change, the opening's minimum point was only about 1000 different from the year before.
Hence
, it showed that the fluctuation wasn't as great as the
closures
. The maximum
number
 was shown by the shop
openings
 in 2011. It reached about 8500
openings
, which differ by about 1000 from the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
maximum
number
 of
closures
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2013.
Submitted by writing9bersama on

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Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement score, ensure that you fully address the question prompt. Include specific data when possible to support your analysis and make comprehensive points that cover all aspects of the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
For a higher score in Coherence and Cohesion, work on the logical flow of your essay. Use connectors and transition words to better link ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, an explicit introduction and a clear conclusion can enhance the overall structure and understanding of your essay.
Lexical Resource
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to elaborate on your main points. This will make your essay more engaging and help to clearly convey your analysis.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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