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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

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Nowadays, various youngsters don’t comprehend the difference between accurate and inaccurate acts.
That is
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 why some people claim that the penalty is the best way to learn
this
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 distinction,
while
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 others reckon that retribution affects
children
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’s psychological states in an adverse way. I strongly concur that
parents
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 must give their
children
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 discipline, but not too harshly.
To begin
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 with, toddlers are fast learners
due to
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 the fact that they are not aware of anything with regard to life, so they can learn everything with baby steps. Unfortunately, we cannot say the same thing for youngsters. That means they can easily be affected by their furious
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 or receive bad exam results from
school
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.
Therefore
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, punishment is actually a must-do remedy to learn what is correct or incorrect.
For instance
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,
parents
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 can reduce TV time based on their
children
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’s performance. As soon as a child brings home a bad mark from
school
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,
parents
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 can oblige the child to practice more.
Besides
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,
parents
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 can encourage their
children
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 to have more faithful friends. Providing that their
children
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 conduct any mischievous
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 or act with their friends, their guardians can make them stay away from their best friends.
Moreover
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, teachers may figure out suitable methods to discipline their students in cases of immoral
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behavior
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behaviour
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. To illustrate, they can organize conferences concerning moral
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behavior
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behaviour
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 and
school
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 achievement.
However
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, penalty methods should not consist of any insult or getting the stick.
According to
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 a film that I watched in Turkey, over 60 years ago in schools, especially in math lessons, when a child couldn’t solve a challenging problem, teachers were beating
children
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 for no reason.
For
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this
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 reason, some people were extensively traumatized by
school
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, so they could not complete their education.As far as I am concerned, pupils should conduct social services, including cleaning the restrooms, classrooms, or
school
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 garden.
To sum up
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,
children
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 have diverse characteristics;
hence
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, there might be distinctively different methods needed. There cannot be a perfect punishment for erroneous acts, and
parents
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 or teachers should apply penalties carefully and consciously.

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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a stronger logical structure. This can be achieved by consistently developing ideas from introduction through to conclusion, ensuring a smooth flow of thoughts and a clear connection between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Introduce your essay with a clear thesis statement and wrap up your discussion with a concise conclusion that restates your main points and overall stance. This helps in clearly establishing your position and making your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. Aim to elaborate on your ideas further and show how they directly relate to the question posed, which would strengthen your argument and improve your essay's impact.
task achievement
Ensure you fully address all parts of the question. Expand on your ideas to give a more comprehensive discussion of the topic. This includes clearly stating your position, discussing the extent to which you agree or disagree, and suggesting specific types of punishment that could be considered appropriate.
task achievement
To improve clarity, focus on developing each paragraph around a single main idea. Include relevant examples and explain their significance to your argument. This approach will make your essay easier to follow and more convincing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Moral development
  • Positive reinforcement
  • Negative reinforcement
  • Behavioral psychology
  • Disciplinary methods
  • Corporal punishment
  • Psychological effects
  • Authoritative parenting
  • Permissive parenting
  • Behavioural correction
  • Ethical considerations
  • Legal frameworks
  • Cognitive development
  • Social norms
  • Character building
  • Restorative practices
  • Authoritarian approach
  • Constructive criticism
  • Pro-social behavior
  • Conditioning
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