IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

All cars that burn fossil fuels should be banned and electric cars should replace them. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Every
vehicle
Use synonyms
 that
using
Wrong verb form
uses
show examples
 gasoline should not be allowed and replaced by
cars
Use synonyms
 with green
energy
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion because electric
cars
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 will help for better
environment
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 and reduce diseases
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
caused by
pollution
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spread by conventional
cars
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.
Body paragraph 2
Electric
Add an article
The electric
An electric
show examples
vehicle
Use synonyms
 provides plenty of fruitful benefits
for instance
Linking Words
 in
this
Linking Words
 case
environmentally
Change the word
environmental
show examples
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. If
people
Use synonyms
 no longer use fossil fuels as
cars
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’
energy
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 it would be beneficial to our
environment
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,
while
Linking Words
 using green
energy
Use synonyms
, the emissions
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
released by
cars
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 will drop sharply.
Body paragraph 3
Fresh
air
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was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 vital aspect of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 to live, by using
Add an article
a car
the car
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car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 with green
energy
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 will reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
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 significantly so that the
air
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 will
breathable
Add a missing verb
be breathable
show examples
 for
people
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.
Body paragraph 4
In some countries in
Europe
Add a comma
Europe,
show examples
cars
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 with fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
show examples
 have gradually been banned and the
environment
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 in Europe
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 better in recent
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
,
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
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 of
pollution
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 has
also
Linking Words
diminish
Change the verb form
diminished
show examples
 sharply.
Body paragraph 5
Pollution
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
emitted by conventional
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vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
show examples
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
emerged
various
Change preposition
from various
show examples
 diseases, because fossil fuel
cars
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released
Wrong verb form
release
show examples
pollution
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,
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people
Correct word choice
and people
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breathing
Wrong verb form
breathe
show examples
 hazardous
air
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 that contain
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
toxic
Replace the word
toxins
show examples
. Acute Respiratory Infection (ARI)
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 a major problem in a country
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 conventional
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cars user
Fix the agreement mistake
car users
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
high, dirty
air
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
inhaled by
people
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 leading to
severely
Change the word
severe
show examples
 ARI disease.
Body paragraph 6
Not only physical illness but
also
Linking Words
 mental illness become a concern
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
vast
Add an article
the vast
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 majority of
people
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, many
people
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 feel depressed because of the filthy
air
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.
Body paragraph 7
In
Jakarta
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Jakarta,
show examples
 as a metropolitan there were millions
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 live and every single person
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
 conventional
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vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
 many citizens
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
severe
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as ARI and mental illness because they inhale
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extremely dirty
air
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.
Conclusion
In
conclusion
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conclusion,
show examples
 I totally agree that
cars
Use synonyms
 with fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
show examples
 should be banned and replaced by green
energy
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
show examples
 to protect our
environment
Use synonyms
 and make
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 better and healthier. Conventional
vehicle
Use synonyms
 provides too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 drawbacks
while
Linking Words
 electric car offers fruitful benefits and the impact will
bigger
Add a missing verb
be bigger
show examples
 later in life.

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coherence cohesion
Enhance your essay by organizing your ideas more logically and clearly. Start with a strong introduction that presents your viewpoint, followed by paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea with clear topic sentences. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
To improve the introduction and conclusion presence, make sure that your essay begins with a clear statement of your opinion on the topic and ends with a summarization of your key points and a restatement of your viewpoint. This structure will make your essay more engaging and persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with a wider variety of specific examples and evidence. This could include statistics, studies, or real-world examples that further illustrate your arguments. Doing so will strengthen your essay and make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task more fully by ensuring that your essay not only presents a clear viewpoint but also thoroughly discusses the reasons behind your opinion. Include more detailed explanations and examples to make your ideas both clear and comprehensive.
task achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to clearly express complex ideas and arguments. This will help make your essay more engaging and demonstrate your language proficiency.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Examples that are directly related to the benefits of electric vehicles and the drawbacks of fossil fuel cars will make your arguments more compelling and grounded in reality.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fossil fuels
  • emissions
  • air pollution
  • greenhouse gases
  • climate change
  • sustainable
  • renewable
  • electric vehicles
  • battery technology
  • charging infrastructure
  • range anxiety
  • government support
  • incentives
  • subsidies
  • renewable energy
  • environmental impact
  • energy efficiency
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