IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

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Over the recent
years
Add a comma
years,
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 there has been
enormous
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an enormous
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 increase of deaths even if the disease is curable because some individuals cannot afford the essential
medication
Use synonyms
. One solution could be reducing the prices of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drugs so that everyone can afford them.
Although
Linking Words
 there are arguments on both
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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I strongly believe that reducing the rates of the
medication
Use synonyms
 is definitely a positive approach. There are more
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
convincing arguments that
states
Fix the agreement mistake
state
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 there are
people
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 who still believe in humanity and would like to contribute
in
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to
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 the
well being
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well-being
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 of their community.
In addition
Linking Words
, drug manufacturing companies would not have major consequences on their profit rates if they
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 contribute a small portion towards providing subsidized rates to the needful mankind. Not only
this
Linking Words
, If
government
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the government
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 can recognize the
people
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 fighting to survive
in
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apply
show examples
life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
show examples
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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 and give them discounts on their
prescription
Fix the agreement mistake
prescriptions
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 during the treatment
then
Linking Words
majority
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the majority
a majority
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 of the problem can be handled.
For instance
Linking Words
, in 2023 a renowned medicine industry in India used
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 profits to provide free
medication
Use synonyms
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cancer institutions all over the country which helped more than 50,000
people
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.
Thus
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, programs like these are greatly appreciated. On the other
side
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side,
show examples
 there are some adverse usage of
medication
Use synonyms
 that can be seen in some parts of our society
such
Linking Words
 as wrongful use of drugs as
source
Add an article
a source
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 of getting high
due to
Linking Words
 its easy availability.
Linking Words
Although even
Correct word choice
Even
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 when the price is reduced by the manufacturers, the local suppliers are putting markup on top to maximise their selling price which leads to common
people
Use synonyms
 again receiving the
medication
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
at
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same
Change the article
the same
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 cost.
Therefore
Linking Words
, drug companies cannot change the situation alone.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is evident that drug companies can start the process of reducing
cost
Add an article
the cost
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 of the
medication
Use synonyms
 to save lives but it is the responsibility of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to play fair practices so that
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can die
due to
Linking Words
medication
Use synonyms
 unavailability.

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task achievement
Expand on your argument by providing more specific examples and data to support your points. The inclusion of an example from India was effective, but additional, varied examples would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure you clearly address all parts of the task. Consider both the potential benefits and drawbacks of your proposed solution in equal measure to provide a more balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve your essay’s structure by adding more clear paragraph divisions and transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Review your essay for minor grammatical errors and inconsistencies in argument points. Paying attention to detail can improve the essay's overall clarity and impact.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pharmaceuticals
  • Generic drugs
  • Patent laws
  • Healthcare disparity
  • Subsidies
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
  • Intellectual property
  • Epidemiology
  • Affordability
  • Global health initiatives
  • Corporate social responsibility
What to do next:
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