IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

#week #workers #weekend
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The working week needs to be shorter, and employees should have more
days
Use synonyms
 to relax outside of work. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea.
Although
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 enough relaxing helps to get productive results, workers who have more
days
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 to rest might ease off from working hard. Having fewer working time might help to balance
life
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 and work. To be more clear, if employees have enough sleep and relaxation outside of their jobs, they may experience incredible results in their performance.
Also
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, a stable working
life
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 over a long period of
life
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 is annoying, and as
life
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 passes, workers lose motivation and energy to do something new and useful.
For instance
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, a man has two
days
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 to relax when he is out of struggle, and he can manage to finish his plans and build a strong connection with his family.
Thus
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, if people have more weekends than regular
days
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 off, they can get a work-
life
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 balance, which is a problem for many workers.
However
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, usually, some people struggle to get back to
jobs
Correct pronoun usage
their jobs
show examples
 when they have two or more time to rest.
This
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 directly affects employees' ability to ease off from working hard and achieving good results. As an example, a man works in a factory as a package loader, which is one of the hardest jobs, and he gets out of performance, but just one day is not enough. So, getting back to task might be challenging if they are not fully re-energized in a short time.
To sum up
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, enough rest helps people achieve great outcomes, but it
also
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 might reflect the idea.
As a result
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, I partially agree with that opinion, because there are both beneficial and useless sides to
this
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 argument.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Increase clarity by breaking down complex sentences into simpler, shorter ones and avoid contradictory sentences within paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more concrete and diverse examples to support your points more convincingly.
task achievement
Ensure consistency in presenting ideas to avoid contradicting statements. For instance, the statement supporting more rest is negated without a clear transition between the ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a thoughtful introduction to the topic and poses a balanced view, showing an understanding of both sides of the argument.
task achievement
There is a clear attempt to address the task and provide a balanced view on extending weekends, showing an understanding of both pros and cons.
task achievement
Some relevant examples are provided to illustrate the points made, albeit they could be expanded further.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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