IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Working in a team always motivates the participants which helps them in the
future
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 to work with their teammates.Many
people
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 believe that teenagers should learn how to deal with each other from their school's sports teams. It is completely agreed with the given notion because at that age student learn the discipline to work in a group, which will benefit them in their
future
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 careers.
Firstly
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, the main reason is that if they play sports in school they will learn how to behave in a team even after losing a match with the opponents. Another factor is that they will develop competition habits, so in the
future
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, they can compete in any exams and tasks.
For example
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, in New South Wales schools are motivating their pupils to take part in games.
As a result
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, many students became successful in their professions.
Secondly
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, the primary reason is that students learn discipline, how to behave in a crowd and impress
people
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 with their skills.
In addition
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, sophomores learn time value and it helps them to work on time if they join any company in the
future
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.
Additionally
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, it helps the undergraduates to manage anger and emotions.
For instance
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, in the
future
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people
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 join responsible positions
such
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 as politicians and doctors, if they manage above mentioned they will be successful in their professions.
In contrast
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, some students get injured from sports and it ruins their whole lives but it is likely to happen with most graduates. In conclusion, following the analysis of both sides,
it is clear that
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 scholars are the backbone of our nation and if they know how to treat
people
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 they will run the country in a positive manner.
Further
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, it is predicted that teenagers are going to take part in the games as well and contribute to the country’s growth.

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task achievement
Provide more specific evidence or examples to support your points. General statements are good, but concrete details can make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence variety to make your writing more engaging and sophisticated.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
task achievement
You have provided multiple reasons to support your agreement with the given notion, making your argument well-rounded.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
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