IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts, and that this money could be speant elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with that statement?

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 is wasting cash on the arts,
meanhwile
Correct your spelling
meanwhile
,
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 could be spent
elsewhere
Linking Words
that is
Linking Words
 more beneficial for society. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art is not a major issue
that is
Linking Words
 worth the
money
Use synonyms
 spent,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should
focues
Correct your spelling
focus
 on more urgent areas like public transportation and
healthcare
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the healthcare
show examples
system
Use synonyms
. In some countries like Indonesia,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
is
Verb problem
has
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 spent a lot of
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 re-shaping
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big cities like Jakarta.
For example
Linking Words
, in 2023, the
Indonesia
Correct your spelling
Indonesian
show examples
government
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 launched
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 brand new high-speed rail called "Whoosh". The idea is to shorten the distance
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
travels
Correct subject-verb agreement
travel
show examples
 from Jakarta to Bandung and vice versa, by driving, it
needs
Verb problem
takes
show examples
 at least 3 to 4 hours from Jakarta to Bandung, but with Whoosh it
needs
Verb problem
takes
show examples
 2 hours only. Another important issue is related to
healthcare
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the healthcare
show examples
system
Use synonyms
, I think
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government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 must pay more attention to
this
Linking Words
 aspect since
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
system
Use synonyms
 is a key indicator to decide whether the
country
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 is successfully developed or still developing.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 developed
country
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 like Singapore
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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really
care
Correct subject-verb agreement
cares
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of
Change preposition
about
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their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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people
Use synonyms
's health, Singapore has many international top-class
hospital
Change to a plural noun
hospitals
show examples
 in their
country
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 and not only the Singaporean can enjoy
this
Linking Words
 service, but
people
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 around
southest
Change the word
most south
show examples
asia
Change the capitalization
Asia
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
prefered
Correct your spelling
prefer
 to get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health consultation in Singapore. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should not waste their
money
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 on the arts because still many important issues
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 worth the
money
Use synonyms
 spent.
Firstly
Linking Words
, If the
country
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having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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proper
as well as
Linking Words
 good public transportation it will increase
worker's
Fix the agreement mistake
workers'
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 productivity and smooth
people
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's
mobiliy
Correct your spelling
mobility
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, by
put
Change the verb form
putting
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
investment
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
Correct article usage
the healtcare
show examples
healtcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
system
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can help the nation's stability
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 having a
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
healthier generation
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the future.

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Task Achievement
To enhance your score in Task Achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt fully. While you presented a clear stance, more detailed exploration of why arts funding might be seen as unnecessary by some, compared with the specific examples given for transportation and healthcare, would provide a more balanced argument and complete response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve Coherence and Cohesion by organizing your ideas more clearly. Use a variety of linking phrases to better connect your paragraphs and main ideas. While your essay has a logical flow, making clearer distinctions between your points and using more transitional phrases would enhance readability and the logical progression of your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
To strengthen your essay, ensure each paragraph elaborates on a single main idea with adequate support. Include more detailed examples and explanations for your claims, especially regarding the impact and value of healthcare and transportation compared to the arts. This will make your argument more convincing and your essay stronger in terms of supporting its main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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