Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts, and that this money could be speant elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with that statement?
Some
people
argue that government
is wasting cash on the arts, Correct article usage
the government
meanhwile
, Correct your spelling
meanwhile
this
money
could be spent elsewhere
that is
more beneficial for society. I agree with this
statement as the
art is not a major issue Correct article usage
apply
that is
worth the money
spent, government
should Add an article
the government
focues
on more urgent areas like public transportation and Correct your spelling
focus
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
system
.
In some countries like Indonesia, government
Add an article
the government
is
spent a lot of Verb problem
has
money
in
re-shaping Change preposition
on
the
public transportation Correct article usage
apply
especially
in Add the comma(s)
, especially
the
big cities like Jakarta. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, in 2023, the Indonesia
Correct your spelling
Indonesian
government
launched the
brand new high-speed rail called "Whoosh". The idea is to shorten the distance Correct article usage
a
of
Change preposition
apply
people
travels
from Jakarta to Bandung and vice versa, by driving, it Correct subject-verb agreement
travel
needs
at least 3 to 4 hours from Jakarta to Bandung, but with Whoosh it Verb problem
takes
needs
2 hours only.
Another important issue is related to Verb problem
takes
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
system
, I think government
must pay more attention to Add an article
the government
this
aspect since healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
system
is a key indicator to decide whether the country
is successfully developed or still developing. For example
, the
developed Correct article usage
a
country
like Singapore is
really Unnecessary verb
apply
care
Correct subject-verb agreement
cares
of
Change preposition
about
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
people
's health, Singapore has many international top-class hospital
in their Change to a plural noun
hospitals
country
and not only the Singaporean can enjoy this
service, but people
around southest
Change the word
most south
asia
Change the capitalization
Asia
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
prefered
to get Correct your spelling
prefer
a
health consultation in Singapore.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
apply
government
should not waste their Add an article
the government
money
on the arts because still many important issues that
is
worth the Change the verb form
are
money
spent. Firstly
, If the country
having
Wrong verb form
has
a
proper Correct article usage
apply
as well as
good public transportation it will increase worker's
productivity and smooth Fix the agreement mistake
workers'
people
's mobiliy
. Correct your spelling
mobility
Secondly
, by put
Change the verb form
putting
an
investment Correct article usage
apply
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
in
Change preposition
into
Correct article usage
the healtcare
healtcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
system
, government
can help the nation's stability Add an article
the government
of
having a Change preposition
by
more
healthier generation Change the word
apply
for
the future.Change preposition
in
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Task Achievement
To enhance your score in Task Achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt fully. While you presented a clear stance, more detailed exploration of why arts funding might be seen as unnecessary by some, compared with the specific examples given for transportation and healthcare, would provide a more balanced argument and complete response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve Coherence and Cohesion by organizing your ideas more clearly. Use a variety of linking phrases to better connect your paragraphs and main ideas. While your essay has a logical flow, making clearer distinctions between your points and using more transitional phrases would enhance readability and the logical progression of your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
To strengthen your essay, ensure each paragraph elaborates on a single main idea with adequate support. Include more detailed examples and explanations for your claims, especially regarding the impact and value of healthcare and transportation compared to the arts. This will make your argument more convincing and your essay stronger in terms of supporting its main points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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