Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is responsibility for the individuals to protect themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #crime #prevention #responsibility #individuals

While

a group of people believe that protecting society against

crime

is one of the

government

's duties, others consider

Correct pronoun usage

it a

show examples

responsibility to individuals. There are rational arguments on both sides of

this

contentious topic which will be discussed in detail, followed by my own take on the matter. On the one hand, each person ought to protect themselves from being offended by offenders.

To begin

with, people make decisions for their life

therefore

, they ought to be careful about risky choices and positions.

For instance

, an individual is good to be careful about the atmosphere when buying a house for his family.

Moreover

, if the area has insecure conditions for living and the rate of

crime

is high in that zone head of a family should consider these statutes before choosing the flat.

On the other hand

, there is another idea that taking care of ordinary people among criminals is one of the

government

's national tasks.

In other words

, each central

government

is required to take some precautionary measures to tackle crimes. More specifically, they consider special action which might be providing punishments to

make

Verb problem

create

show examples

fear among potential offenders who might commit a

crime

in future. A good example of

this

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

is in some countries there are TV programs that illustrate some punishment for the amount of

crime

based on their law to prevent more convicts in future. In conclusion, both views present rational reasons for their ideas, on balance,

however

, my personal belief is that preventing a community from

crime

is more than a national task for the

government

than a job for citizens.

Submitted by Pbaharlou70 on Sun Mar 10 2024

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Introduction

Continue to introduce your essay with a clear overview that succinctly addresses the topic and outlines your stance. This creates a strong foundation for your argument.

Logical Structure

While you have done well in making your essay logically structured, strive to make transitions between paragraphs smoother. This can be achieved by using more varied linking words or phrases.

Introduction & Conclusion

Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and distinct to effectively frame your essay. Your essay showcases this strength, as you have neatly introduced the topic and provided a concise conclusion that reflects back on the entire argument.

Supported Main Points

When presenting your main points, continue to support them with specific examples or evidence. You have included relevant examples which strengthen your argument, but ensure each main point is robustly supported to enhance your argument further.

Complete Response

For a higher score in task achievement, make sure every part of the prompt is addressed comprehensively. While you have responded to all aspects of the prompt, adding more depth or varied examples relevant to your claims could strengthen your position.

Clear & Comprehensive Ideas

Your essay demonstrates clear and comprehensive treatment of the topic. To refine this further, clarify your stance in the introduction and consistently maintain this perspective throughout, to enhance the persuasive quality of your essay.

Relevant & Specific Examples

You've used relevant examples effectively, but including a broader range of specific examples related to the government's role and individual actions could provide a more compelling argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

265 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is responsibility for the individuals to protect themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

sop of australia regarding supply chain management

Although most people are richer than in the past, modern life seems very stressful, and the number of people suffering from stress is at record levels. What are the main causes? How could stress be reduced?

To what extent do the internet increase social cohension

Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are most successful. Discuss both views and give your opinion.