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Writing Samples
Band 4

The chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the last one year

The chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the last one year
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The graph below demonstrates estimated world
illiteracy
Use synonyms
 rates by region and by gender for the
last
Linking Words
 year in percentage terms.
Overall
Linking Words
, the graph only shows a
one year
Add a hyphen
one-year
show examples
 period rate of
illiteracy
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 in these
regions
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; developed countries , Latin American/
caribbean
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Caribbean
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, East
Asia
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,
sub Saharan
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sub-Saharan
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 Africa, Arab states and South
Asia
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. It goes ahead and illustrates that South
Asia
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 has the highest
illiteracy
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 rate of about 55
percent
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per cent
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 as compared to Arab states which
has
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have
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 about 52
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of their females being
illiterates
Fix the agreement mistake
illiterate
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, most women in South
Asia
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 and Arab states
to be
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are
show examples
 illiterate for that
one year
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one-year
show examples
 period. Latin American/
caribbean
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Caribbean
show examples
regions
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seems
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seem
show examples
 to be having less educated women as compared to East
Asia
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. The
develope
Correct your spelling
developed
 countries have the lowest rate of
illiteracy
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 as compared to the rest of the other given
regions
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
 the graph clearly shows us that females are more illiterate than males in most of the
regions
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "therefore".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words illiteracy, regions, asia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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