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Band 4

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
Some believe that the most significant environmental
issue
 is the narrowed living creature
variety
 because it is the most objective change in our world,
while
 others say there are more important impacts of
this
. I believe
the
Correct article usage
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global warming is the biggest
issue
 caused by environmental problems we
face
today
 because it destroyed the main balance we have had for thousands of years. On the one hand,
as a result
 of the
planet
 issues we
face
today
, we are losing the
variety
 of species we have in our
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 every year.
That is
 to say, lots of biological types have been already extinct and we are currently losing the wide range of animals and plants we originally
have
Wrong verb form
had
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. The real world before the pollution and the irreversable changes we made
today
, had
such
 a wonderful
variety
 of living organisms.
Hence
 we managed to destroy
Correct article usage
a considarable
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considarable
Correct your spelling
considerable
 amount of them and that left us with another
planet
 which is completely different than how it was.
According to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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National Geographic research,
for example
,
today
 we already do not have
the
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35% of the species we had before, and
this
 number is estimated to reach 45% by 2030.
However
, I think as long as we try to protect the animals and trees we have on hand
today
,
this
 problem can be solved partly and I think the unpreventable things we have are
the
Change the word
our
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 main problem
of
Change preposition
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ours
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.
On the other hand
, some say that the real risk we
face
 about the habitat we live in is not having the
variety
 of living things we had earlier, and I think global warming is the main concern of these people. The fact that we have already lost the natural balance of
live
Replace the word
life
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 indicates that we are
at
Change preposition
in
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 a state which is irreversible now.
For instance
, the seasons started to come later than they used to be and we do not actually see the typical characteristics of them anymore. I believe the main
issue
 we
face
today
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming because it changed the fundamental cycle of the world itself and it is increasingly creating new conditions which we have never experienced before.
To conclude
,
although
 extinction of the certain types of living species does create a far more different
planet
 compared to its original form, I believe the most important
issue
 we
face
today
 is global warming because it has already changed the typical rules of the
planet
.
Submitted by :DDDDD on

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coherence cohesion
Introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence to establish the main idea immediately, and make sure each subsequent sentence logically supports this idea.
coherence cohesion
In your introduction and conclusion, state your opinion more clearly and summarize the main points of your argument to enhance reader understanding.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more detailed examples and explanations to demonstrate more depth of analysis and understanding of the topic. Consider using studies, facts, or personal observations where relevant.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical flow of ideas by using appropriate transition words or phrases to connect your sentences and paragraphs. This will help guide the reader through your argument effectively.
task achievement
While discussing the viewpoints mentioned in the prompt, make sure to develop each viewpoint thoroughly before presenting your own perspective to provide a balanced discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
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