Some people feel that the government should regulate the level of violence in films on television and at the cinema. Others feel that violent films should not be regulated. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In general, there are usually some scenes
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
films
Correct pronoun usage
that illustrates
show examples
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
scenes
due to
the film storyline and its category.
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
conditions
leading
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
to a
debatable
Replace the word
debate
show examples
on societies whether
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the government should regulate it or not. Some people believe it must be
doing
Wrong verb form
done
show examples
,
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
state that it is not necessary to regulate it. Both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
of view will be discussed below.
Submitted by Deddymus on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your introduction sets the stage for discussing both views on government regulation of violence in films, which is a positive start. However, to improve your Task Achievement score, you need to ensure that your essay fully responds to all parts of the prompt. This means explicitly discussing both sides of the debate thoroughly and providing your own opinion. Expanding your essay with specific arguments and examples for each viewpoint, as well as clearly stating and supporting your own viewpoint, will help you achieve a higher score.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay begins with a foundation for discussing the topic coherently, but it lacks strong logical transitions and detailed support for your main points. To enhance your Coherence and Cohesion score, use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline your main points. Then, support these points with specific examples or reasons. Make sure each paragraph flows logically to the next with appropriate transitional phrases. Additionally, maintaining consistent verb tense and paying attention to sentence structure will help improve the readability and coherence of your essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • regulation
  • vulnerable groups
  • age restrictions
  • censorship
  • real-life aggression
  • healthier society
  • creative freedom
  • free speech
  • artistic vision
  • cultural narratives
  • personal responsibility
  • viewing choices
  • balanced approach
  • rating systems
  • parental guidance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: