Some people feel that the government should regulate the level of violence in films on television and at the cinema. Others feel that violent films should not be regulated. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In general, there are usually some scenes
on
films Change preposition
in
Correct pronoun usage
that illustrates
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
violence
scenes Replace the word
violent
due to
the film storyline and its category. This
conditions Correct determiner usage
These
leading
to a Wrong verb form
lead
debatable
on societies whether Replace the word
debate
are
the government should regulate it or not. Some people believe it must be Unnecessary verb
apply
doing
, Wrong verb form
done
while
other
state that it is not necessary to regulate it. Both Fix the agreement mistake
others
point
of view will be discussed below.Change to a plural noun
points
Submitted by Deddymus on
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Task Achievement
Your introduction sets the stage for discussing both views on government regulation of violence in films, which is a positive start. However, to improve your Task Achievement score, you need to ensure that your essay fully responds to all parts of the prompt. This means explicitly discussing both sides of the debate thoroughly and providing your own opinion. Expanding your essay with specific arguments and examples for each viewpoint, as well as clearly stating and supporting your own viewpoint, will help you achieve a higher score.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay begins with a foundation for discussing the topic coherently, but it lacks strong logical transitions and detailed support for your main points. To enhance your Coherence and Cohesion score, use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline your main points. Then, support these points with specific examples or reasons. Make sure each paragraph flows logically to the next with appropriate transitional phrases. Additionally, maintaining consistent verb tense and paying attention to sentence structure will help improve the readability and coherence of your essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite