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Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
In the digital age, the debate between unrestricted
information
 sharing and the need to protect sensitive
data
 is increasingly relevant. **I believe in the careful protection of valuable
information
. The proponents of open
information
 sharing highlight its role in fostering innovation and collaboration. They argue that
access
 to a wide array of
data
 accelerates research, democratizes knowledge, and potentially reduces costs.
For example
, in academia, the necessity to
access
 multiple paid resources for a
single term
Add a hyphen
single-term
show examples
 paper underscores the limitations and financial burdens of restricted
information
access
. Open sharing is posited to not only facilitate more inclusive research but
also
 to significantly improve efficiency and productivity across various sectors.
However
, the risks associated with freely sharing sensitive
information
 cannot be overlooked. Unrestricted
access
 might lead to security breaches,
intellectual
Correct word choice
and intellectual
show examples
 property theft, and potentially endanger national security. The essence of protecting sensitive
data
 lies not just in safeguarding competitive edges or proprietary technologies but
also
 in maintaining the very foundation of innovation and creativity.
This
 approach advocates for a balanced exchange of knowledge, where
information
 is shared openly yet with stringent measures to protect
data
 deemed sensitive or invaluable. In conclusion,
while
 the sharing of
information
 is crucial for advancement, a judicious approach to the protection of sensitive and valuable
data
 is imperative. **
This
 ensures a harmonious balance between innovation and security.**
Submitted by fiasngs on

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Task Achievement
In terms of task achievement, your essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear stance and comprehensive discussion of both views. To further enhance this area, incorporating more specific examples or case studies to illustrate your points could strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion. The logical structure is clear, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, to elevate this further, consider varying your transition words and phrases to enhance the flow and connect ideas more seamlessly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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