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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
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In the digital age, the debate between unrestricted
information
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 sharing and the need to protect sensitive
data
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 is increasingly relevant. **I believe in the careful protection of valuable
information
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. The proponents of open
information
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 sharing highlight its role in fostering innovation and collaboration. They argue that
access
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 to a wide array of
data
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 accelerates research, democratizes knowledge, and potentially reduces costs.
For example
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, in academia, the necessity to
access
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 multiple paid resources for a
single term
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single-term
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 paper underscores the limitations and financial burdens of restricted
information
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access
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. Open sharing is posited to not only facilitate more inclusive research but
also
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 to significantly improve efficiency and productivity across various sectors.
However
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, the risks associated with freely sharing sensitive
information
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 cannot be overlooked. Unrestricted
access
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 might lead to security breaches,
intellectual
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and intellectual
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 property theft, and potentially endanger national security. The essence of protecting sensitive
data
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 lies not just in safeguarding competitive edges or proprietary technologies but
also
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 in maintaining the very foundation of innovation and creativity.
This
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 approach advocates for a balanced exchange of knowledge, where
information
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 is shared openly yet with stringent measures to protect
data
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 deemed sensitive or invaluable. In conclusion,
while
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 the sharing of
information
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 is crucial for advancement, a judicious approach to the protection of sensitive and valuable
data
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 is imperative. **
This
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 ensures a harmonious balance between innovation and security.**
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Task Achievement
In terms of task achievement, your essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear stance and comprehensive discussion of both views. To further enhance this area, incorporating more specific examples or case studies to illustrate your points could strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion. The logical structure is clear, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, to elevate this further, consider varying your transition words and phrases to enhance the flow and connect ideas more seamlessly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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