A section of the society holds the belief that content telecasted by various channels offers no actual benetits for the younger audiences.

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A section of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society holds the belief that
content
telecasted by various channels offers no actual
benetits
Correct your spelling
benefits
benefit
for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
younger audiences. In my conviction
adult
content
on TV may have negative psychological effects on
children
whereas
, by watching educational
programmes
, they can gain knowledge
Therefore
, I wish to partially agree with the captioned statement.
To begin
with, watching age-inappropriate material on
television
may negatively impact
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
show examples
health and stability of
voung
Correct your spelling
young
viewers. In my opinion,
children
have the tendency to imitate
adult
behavior
withoutquestioning
Correct your spelling
without questioning
the morality of
such
actions. When they are exposed to negative
adult
conduct on
television
such
as violence, substance use and bad language, they may follow
such
actions, and
as a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
they
mav
Correct your spelling
may
inculcate substandard
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
as well. To illustrate
this
,
accordina
Correct your spelling
according
to an article which appeared
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
New
Correct article usage
the New
show examples
York Times in December 2023, it was revealed that 68% of underaged crimes in the US have been
conducted
Verb problem
committed
show examples
by teens, who were influenced by violent
content
such
as WWE on
television
.
Hence
, it is evident that
adult
material on Specific example
television
may
nave
Correct your spelling
have
show examples
a dement
erect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
on minors.
On the other hand
, by viewing educational
content
such
as documentaries, quizzes and news
programmes
,
children
may enhance curricular and general knowledge.
According to
my observations, IV can deliver
Correct article usage
an impactrul
show examples
impactrul
Correct your spelling
impactful
audio-visual experience, which
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
used as an effective learning aid to educate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters.
Therefore
,
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
countries TV is used as an educational tool
tamprove
Correct your spelling
to improve
their language and vocabulary and
also
develop their skills and logical thinking.
For example
, during the Covid lockdown in 2020, when
children
were confined
fo
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
their homes. the national
television
in I Sri Lanka, telecasted
programmes
to support them in their GCE test preparation.
Thus
, I sincerely believe that
television
can be used effectively to educate the younger generation. In conclusion,
children
who tend to imitate negative
adult
actions on TV may inculcate immoral and substandard
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
In contrast
, the young viewers who are encouraged to watch educational
programmes
may improve their knowledge and all-round skills. As
such
,
this
writer Is In
partlal
Correct your spelling
partial
agreement with the notion that
television
programmes
are of no real value for
children
.
Submitted by dinaka0001 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, but the logical coherence between paragraphs could be improved by better use of linking words and phrases. Try to use a wider range of connectives (e.g., Furthermore, Consequently, In addition to) to make your argument flow more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be more developed. Try to start your essay with a more engaging hook and end with a stronger, more comprehensive summary of your points and stance.
coherence cohesion
While you have supported your main points with examples, working on making your examples more specific and directly related to your argument would strengthen your essay. Aim for clear, concrete examples that directly support your thesis.
task achievement
You have responded to the prompt capably, but there's room for deeper exploration of your ideas. A balanced discussion which contrasts different viewpoints or explores the implications of your arguments in greater detail can enhance your task achievement score.
task achievement
Clarifying and elaborating on your ideas can improve comprehensibility. Try to expand on your points with more detailed supporting arguments and explanations to ensure your ideas are fully developed and easily understood by the reader.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant but could be more specific, and detailed. Providing real-life instances with clear outcomes can improve the strength and specificity of your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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