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Band 5.5

lastic bags, plastic bottles and plastic packaging are bad for the environment. What damage does plastic do to the environment? What can be done by governments and individuals to solve this problem?

#lastic #bags #plastic #bottles #environment #damage #governments #individuals
It is undeniable that bags, bottles, and packages made out of plastic are detrimental to the
environment
.
This
 not only alters the ecosystem but
also
 creates a negative impact on humans
as well as
 the natural habitat. The government and individuals can take various initiatives to solve
this
 problem.
To begin
 with, tonnes of plastic
products
 are released
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the
environment
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
This
 is becoming an acute problem as it leads to
alter
Wrong verb form
altering
show examples
 the natural ecosystem affecting the livelihood of humans
as well as
 the animals. People are no longer able to breathe fresh air or drink safe drinking water.
On the other hand
, the species are no longer able to live in their natural
environment
. A study conducted by Marine Biologists in the USA indicated that 70% of marine species had died
as a result
 of
plastics
 released
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the ocean. To solve
this
 issue, the government and individuals can take several measures.
Firstly
, the authorities need to implement a law to ban
usage
Add an article
the usage
show examples
 of
plastics
while
 encouraging
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of paper alternatives to mitigate the issue.
For example
, the government could introduce a law to fine people who are using
plastics
 and reward individuals who
uses
Change the verb form
use
show examples
 paper alternatives in their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
This
 can encourage more and more citizens to avoid using plastic
products
.
Secondly
, as global citizens, every individual needs to take a self-pledge to protect the
environment
.
This
 can be initiated within the communities by creating awareness
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the repercussions of using no-degradable
products
. In conclusion, non-degradable
products
such
 as
plastics
 are detrimental to the ecosystem. The people in power and the society can solve these problems by implementing regulations
as well as
 by being individually responsible for the cause.
Submitted by madonnasama on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression in your essay by further improving the transition between ideas. Using varied transition words and phrases can enhance the connection between paragraphs.
task achievement
Try to introduce a wider range of specific examples and data to support your points. This can include statistics, studies, or quotes from reputable sources to add weight to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your essay's structure by establishing a more pronounced distinction between paragraphs dedicated to problem discussion and those offering solutions. This helps in making your argument more persuasive and easier to follow.
task achievement
While you've provided a good response to the task, aiming for a deeper analysis of the issues and solutions you present could enhance your essay's impact. Try to evaluate the feasibility and potential outcomes of the proposed solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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