IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#technologies #children #time #trend
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Whether
children
 should occupy themselves mainly with new
technologies
 is a recurring debate.
This
 writer contends that the disadvantages of succumbing to laziness and provoking detrimental behaviour outweigh the benefits associated with the education of
children
. Impacting
children
's habits detrimentally is a disadvantageous aspect of advanced
technologies
. To explain in more detail, digital items are manufactured based on human psychology through massive experiments to appeal to the users effectively.
Therefore
, modern gadgets and highly addictive
while
children
 who have a penchant for chasing recreational activities are lack discipline and easily influenced.
As a result
, laziness will be inevitable when
children
 find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern gadgets extremely attractive and spend all day long with them. Afflicting the characters of offspring is another crucial point. To put it simply, the electric waves stem from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advanced automation can affect the human brain significantly in a negative manner.
Consequently
,
children
 will be full of resentment, have a merchant for throwing a tantrum, and be rebellious if they interact with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
digital machines for a long time.
For example
, the psychological statement of
children
 or teenagers in the USA is getting worse because
children
 can use
technologies
 without limitation.
Nevertheless
, some caregivers argue that modern machinery can benefit education significantly. They believe that advanced function items will be helpful in the progress of nurturing offspring and widening their knowledge horizon.
This
 may be true, but
children
 can not use digital apparatus for studying without parental supervision.
Hence
, if the parents underestimate the drawbacks of new apparatus and leave their
children
 alone, the offspring will abuse the modern machines for entertainment
instead
 of leveraging their usage. Taking all points into account, the benefits connected with educational purpose are outweighed
y
Correct your spelling
by
 the drawbacks of succumbing to laziness and behaving negatively.
Thus
, enabling
children
 to use the new
technologies
 without limitation will be more harmful than beneficial
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively outlines your argument and summarizes your main points.
Sentence Structure and Transitions
Use a variety of sentence structures and transitional phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will enhance coherence and cohesion.
Detailed Examples
Develop your arguments more fully with detailed examples. Providing specific examples will strengthen your essay and illustrate your points more convincingly.
Task Response
Address the task directly and ensure that you cover all parts of the prompt. Your essay should maintain a clear focus on the advantages and disadvantages mentioned in the question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: