The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this.

Nowadays, many
people
consider that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
have
duty
Add an article
a duty
the duty
show examples
to help their
civil
Replace the word
citizens
show examples
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
their health. In my opinion, I mainly agree with that. On the
one
hand,
awarding
Verb problem
encouraging
show examples
people
pay
Fix the infinitive
to pay
show examples
more attention
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
health has
it’s
Replace the word
its
show examples
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
.
People
are
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
labour of
one
region. They can make
hundred
Correct article usage
a hundred
show examples
billion dollars
annual
Change the word
annually
show examples
year. Consuming products in daily life and
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
Therefore
governments have duty to repay
this
back to their national
people
. Of course.
One
way is
recall
Change the verb form
to recall
recalling
show examples
people
take care
themselves
Change preposition
of themselves
show examples
through
advertisement
Change the noun form
advertisements
show examples
,
such
as social media, TV shows or
warning
Fix the agreement mistake
warnings
show examples
beside the road. It helps
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
the quality of
labours
Fix the agreement mistake
labour
show examples
and decreasing the number of
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
in civil welfare. On the opposite, as I mentioned before,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should take
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
responsibility
to pay
Change preposition
for paying
show examples
Change preposition
for human’s
show examples
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
welfare. If there were
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
amount of
people
getting sick,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
pay considerable money
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
it. No
one
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
to get into that situation.
Thus
, reminding
people
to prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
illness will be more effective than
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
their bill
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
treatment, because once someone
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
to hospital,
whatever
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
serious or not,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
should spend a part of
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
, maybe occupied six in ten.
For example
, if someone
got
Verb problem
has
show examples
a headache and went to see a doctor, personally taking $200 and
then
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
paying $120 for him or
she
Change the pronoun
her
show examples
.
However
, it only pays $50
for advertising
Change preposition
to advertise
show examples
how it is impossible for
people
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not
stay
Fix the infinitive
to stay
show examples
up late, and
then
, it will avoid
this
happened
Wrong verb form
happening
show examples
. In conclusion, a healthy lifestyle is important for everyone. I mainly agree that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
take
Wrong verb form
should pay
show examples
more attention
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the prevention of
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
problems and illness rather than treatment and medicine because it
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
be brilliant
that
Correct word choice
if
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
could
make
Verb problem
give
show examples
more profits from it.
Submitted by dayowong095 on

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task achievement
Clarify and expand on your main points. Ensure each paragraph presents a clear argument supported by examples or evidence.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay more logically. Use clear paragraph transitions and ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific, real-world examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your case and make your points more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Revise your introduction and conclusion to more clearly outline your argument and summarize your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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