The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this.
Nowadays, many
people
consider that government
have Correct article usage
the government
duty
to help their Add an article
a duty
the duty
civil
Replace the word
citizens
improving
their health. In my opinion, I mainly agree with that.
On the Wrong verb form
improve
one
hand, awarding
Verb problem
encouraging
people
pay
more attention Fix the infinitive
to pay
in
health has Change preposition
to
it’s
Replace the word
its
benefit
. Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
People
are majority
labour of Correct article usage
the majority
one
region. They can make hundred
billion dollars Correct article usage
a hundred
annual
year. Consuming products in daily life and Change the word
annually
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
for
Change preposition
to
government
. Add an article
the government
Therefore
governments have
duty to repay this
back to their national people
. Of course. One
way is recall
Change the verb form
to recall
recalling
people
take care themselves
through Change preposition
of themselves
advertisement
, Change the noun form
advertisements
such
as social media, TV shows or warning
beside the road. It helps Fix the agreement mistake
warnings
government
Correct article usage
the government
improving
the quality of Wrong verb form
improve
labours
and decreasing
the number of Fix the agreement mistake
labour
payment
in civil welfare.
On the opposite, as I mentioned before, Fix the agreement mistake
payments
government
should take Add an article
the government
their
responsibility Correct pronoun usage
apply
to pay
Change preposition
for paying
Change preposition
for human’s
human’s
welfare. If there were Change noun form
human
large
amount of Change the article
a large
people
getting sick, government
Add an article
the government
will
pay considerable money Wrong verb form
would
on
it. No Change preposition
for
one
want
to get into that situation. Change the verb form
wants
Thus
, reminding
people
to prevent from
illness will be more effective than Change preposition
apply
pay
their bill Wrong verb form
paying
of
treatment, because once someone Change preposition
for
go
to hospital, Change the verb form
goes
whatever
serious or not, Correct word choice
whether
government
should spend a part of Correct article usage
the government
money
, maybe occupied six in ten. Add an article
the money
For example
, if someone got
a headache
and went to see a doctor, personally taking $200 and Verb problem
has
then
government
paying $120 for him or Correct article usage
the government
she
. Change the pronoun
her
However
, it only pays $50 for advertising
how it is impossible for Change preposition
to advertise
people
do
not Unnecessary verb
apply
stay
up late, and Fix the infinitive
to stay
then
, it will avoid this
happened
.
In conclusion, a healthy lifestyle is important for everyone. I mainly agree that Wrong verb form
happening
government
Correct article usage
the government
take
more attention Wrong verb form
should pay
in
the prevention of Change preposition
to
healthy
problems and illness rather than treatment and medicine because it Replace the word
health
will
be brilliant Wrong verb form
would
that
Correct word choice
if
government
could Correct article usage
the government
make
more
profits from it.Verb problem
give
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task achievement
Clarify and expand on your main points. Ensure each paragraph presents a clear argument supported by examples or evidence.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay more logically. Use clear paragraph transitions and ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific, real-world examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your case and make your points more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Revise your introduction and conclusion to more clearly outline your argument and summarize your main points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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