IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You bought a laptop while you were travelling abroad. When you reached your native country you realised that some items were missing from the box. Write a letter to the representative of the company. In your letter, give details of the laptop and from where you bought it explain what has happened say what you want him/her to do about it

#laptop #country #items #box #representative #company
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Dear Sir, I would like to lodge a complaint against the missing items described in
product
Correct article usage
the product
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 box of
HP
Correct article usage
the HP
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pavilion
Capitalize word
Pavilion
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 dv4
laptop
Use synonyms
 which was purchased from Dubai during my business trip. Recently, I bought a new HP
laptop
Use synonyms
 from
official
Correct article usage
an official
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 store in
financial
Add an article
the financial
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 district,
Dubai
Change preposition
of Dubai
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. The
laptop
Use synonyms
 has
configuration
Add an article
a configuration
the configuration
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 of 16GB RAM,
512
Correct word choice
and 512
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 GB SSD with 16th generation
of
Change preposition
apply
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intel core i5 and is suitable for business requirements like presentation, longer battery life and better connectivity. The
laptop
Use synonyms
 was suggested by the store dealer
due to
Linking Words
 its popularity among the community with
added
Add an article
the added
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 benefit of stability, reliability and longer
servicibility
Correct your spelling
serviceability
. They
also
Linking Words
 assured higher quality,
one button
Add a hyphen
one-button
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 installation and complete items inside the sealed product box. After returning native country, I found an item like
portable
Correct article usage
a portable
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 charger missing inside it.
Inspite
Correct your spelling
In spite
 of
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 store experience, the delivered product is incomplete and had a bad experience
overall
Linking Words
. I request you to look into the matter on
urgent
Correct article usage
an urgent
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 basis as it is troubling my economic activities. Thanking you, Regards, ABC
Submitted by akhilrana690041 on

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Greeting and Closing
Ensure your letter begins with a more specific greeting, such as addressing the recipient by title and last name if known, to enhance the level of formality and personalization.
Greeting and Closing
Include a more formal and detailed closing statement, summarizing your request and expressing hope for a prompt resolution, to improve the professionalism of your letter.
Logical Structure
Integrate clear, concise transitions between paragraphs to better guide the reader through your narrative, ensuring a smoother flow of information.
Complete Response
To fully address the task, consider adding more specific details about the missing items and how they impact your usage of the laptop. Also, explicitly stating your desired resolution, such as asking for a replacement, refund, or shipment of the missing item, would strengthen your position.
Suitable Writing Tone
Maintain a polite and respectful tone throughout the letter, especially when making requests or expressing dissatisfaction. This approach is essential in professional communication and has been effectively achieved in your letter.
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