IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Task 2: In today's world of advanced science and technology, people still value artists such as painters, musicians and writers. How can art make a difference in our society that science and technology cannot? Write at least 250 words.

#world #science #technology #people #value #artists #painters #musicians #writers #art #difference #society
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We are living in an era, where advanced science and
technology
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 dominate our everyday
life
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 but
society
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 still values different
artists
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 who can change it in a way that developed
technology
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 cannot.
Overall
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, in my opinion, science and
technology
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 have changed everyday
life
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 in a good way, and
as a result
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, communities are living much more comfortable
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life
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lives
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.
However
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, technological development made humanity emotionally shallow and the only thing that can touch human emotions is art. I believe that, in today's world, art and
artists
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 can make big differences by using their creativity. A common opinion is that science and
technology
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 have an impact on every aspect of our
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life
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lives
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, and I totally agree.
On the other hand
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, human beings have an emotional demand that
technology
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 can not fill. There is no doubt that painters, musicians and writers can touch human souls and they can provide
society
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 with emotions and feelings that even AI cannot.
Furthermore
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, we are living in a social network era, where everyone can share their opinions, feelings, and ideas. I am hundred
percent
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per cent
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 sure that
artists
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 can make big differences in our
society
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 by using
this
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 platform.
For example
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, let's talk about Taylor Swift, who has millions of fans, and she is using social media to communicate with her fans. She is actively helping other people by fundraising and donations, which makes a huge difference in
society
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.
In addition
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, she even has an influence on today's
USA
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US
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 political
life
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. Taking everything into consideration, I cannot deny that in today's world, where advanced technologies play a crucial role in development,
artists
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also
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 have a big influence on
society
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.
Artists
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such
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 as Beyonce,
Taylor
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and Taylor
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 Swift
others
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apply
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can change the everyday
life
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 of
society
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 through their music.
Submitted by ibragimmamedov2 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to present your ideas in a more structured way, perhaps by outlining key points at the beginning and developing them more systematically throughout the essay.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, they could be more varied to showcase different aspects of how art influences society.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the task by discussing how art can make a unique difference in society compared to science and technology.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear context and summary of your ideas.
task achievement
You have included specific contemporary examples such as Taylor Swift, which make your argument more relatable and engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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