Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree.
There is a common belief that educational institutions
such
as schools are responsible for taking care of only the academic success of students. While
I agree that schools should provide pupils with a variety of skills
that can be implemented for effective learning or future career building, I would highlight my personal point that other unrelated skills
should be a free choice of each and learned through their lives, out of academic activities.
Trying to mix the
certain range of diverse occupations Correct article usage
a
while
studying in school with the intention to make studying funnier or broaden students' horizons often can lead to the opposite effect. In other words
, the excessive amount of diversification in activities can lead to confusion of interests and loss of focus, which , therefore
, leads to a
poor performance in all subjects. Remove the article
apply
For example
, additional classes including cookery, dressmaking and woodwork in Soviet
Union were extracted in the new educational system, as it showed a lower index in pupils' performance on Correct article usage
the Soviet
examed
subjects.
In terms of the importance Correct your spelling
examined
in
being able to cook or make things with one's hands, all the related Change preposition
of
skills
fortunately can be taught in a home by ancestors, or by simple single practice, or with friends. Thus
, Correct your spelling
This
transforming
the process into Wrong verb form
transformed
opportunity
to make new memories with close ones and Add an article
an opportunity
settling
the strong boundaries between Wrong verb form
settle
an academic areas
of life and creativity, making it easier to consider those occupations as off-time and strictly concentrate on studies in educational institutions.
In conclusion, exposing people Correct the article-noun agreement
academic areas
an academic area
by
an extra amount of opportunities and subjects to choose from is not necessarily a beneficial idea, because it can distract us, because minimalism, a great state of flow, and a deep focus mode are sometimes everything we need for a good performance. Change preposition
to
Also
, an opportunity to learn creative skills
by oneselef
making it seem even more illogical idea.Correct your spelling
oneself
Submitted by raxdiana4 on
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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. While you've presented your view, considering both perspectives more thoroughly could enhance the complexity of your argument.
Task Achievement
Work on integrating clear, specific examples to support your points. This helps reinforce your arguments and makes them more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to organize your essay in a more structured manner by clearly delineating introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This will help improve the logical flow and coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by examples or explanations. Avoid mixing different ideas within the same paragraph for better cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Review your essay for grammatical errors and aim for sentence variety to enhance readability and engagement.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.