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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Boxing is a blood sport which often results in physical injury. It is inappropriate for this sport to exist in the modern age. Do you agree or disagree?

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Boxing has earned a reputation as a violent activity, often resulting in physical harm. There is an ongoing debate about whether
this
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sport
Use synonyms
 is suitable for existence in the contemporary era. In my view, I disagree with the notion, as
individuals
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 involved in boxing do so by their own volition.
However
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, it is essential to consider both perspectives and provide specific instances to substantiate the arguments. On one hand, it is crucial to acknowledge that those who engage in boxing do so by their own choice. Despite the inherent physical risks and potential injuries to athletes, participation in
this
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sport
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 is not mandatory.
For example
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, the
international boxing federation
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International Boxing Federation
show examples
 requires participants to provide written consent, acknowledging the potential consequences, prior to engaging in the
sport
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.
Therefore
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, it is unjustifiable to criticize the continuation of boxing, as
individuals
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 willingly assume responsibility for their involvement in the
sport
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.
On the other hand
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, a notable proportion of
individuals
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 are drawn to boxing solely
due to
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 the lucrative financial incentives it offers.
This
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 pursuit of financial gain exposes them to significant risks, as many lack the necessary skills and experience, resulting in numerous injuries.
Additionally
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, there are instances where boxers have sustained life-threatening injuries, with a substantial number requiring surgical intervention on a regular basis.
Consequently
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,
instead
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 of reaping financial rewards, they find themselves in dire medical conditions. In conclusion, despite the fact that some
individuals
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 are attracted to boxing purely for monetary reasons, the autonomy of athletes to choose their participation should not be overlooked.
Hence
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, I maintain my disagreement with the prospect of dismissing
this
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sport
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.
Moreover
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, it is advisable for regulatory authorities to monitor and enforce stringent guidelines to ensure the well-being of participants in
this
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sport
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.

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Task Achievement
Ensure a clear and distinct thesis statement in your introduction to directly address the question. This will immediately show your stance and how you plan to argue your point.
Task Achievement
Expand your paragraph ideas with more specific examples or data. While the inclusion of examples is good, further elaboration or citing reputable sources can strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and incorporate a wider range of linking words to improve flow and readability. This will make your arguments more dynamic and easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance logical structure, consider more explicit signposting throughout your essay. Phrases that guide the reader through your argument, showing cause and effect, contrast, or comparison, can help maintain coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • blood sport
  • physical injury
  • inappropriate
  • modern age
  • violent
  • serious injuries
  • civilized
  • dangerous
  • sporting activities
  • promoting health
  • well-being
  • encouraging violence
  • culture of aggression
  • harm
  • alternative forms
  • combat sports
  • safety
  • skill
  • banning
  • regulating
  • protect athletes
  • unnecessary harm
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