Some people believe that people should be allowed to work only till a set retirement age. Others say that if people want to work, age should not be a barrier to them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
These days, there are many opinions about when
people
should retire from Correct pronoun usage
their job
job
. Some argue that we should Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
work
until a set retirement age. Other people
think that we don’t need to set the rule and should retire when we want to. In this
essay, I will discuss both opinions and give my idea
.
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
To begin
with, there is no doubt that old people
cannot do their tasks as better
as young Rephrase
well
people
. Obviously, their skills will be decreasing
, and Wrong verb form
decrease
physical
energy will Correct pronoun usage
their physical
be going
down. Wrong verb form
go
Moreover
, it might be difficult for most older people
to acquire new technologies or new information. As a result
, it will be inefficient and not productive
for companies or organizations because every Rephrase
ineffective
people
in the workplace will get confused.
Fix the agreement mistake
person
On the other hand
, many people
believe that we should not decide the age of retirement, because of population
Correct article usage
the population
decreasing
and Replace the word
decrease
mental
health of Correct article usage
the mental
people
. These days, a lot of companies faced
Wrong verb form
face
to
a lack of Change preposition
apply
labors
Fix the agreement mistake
labor
,
Correct word choice
and, decreasing
decreasing
population in the world. They really want to hire Correct article usage
a decreasing
people
even old people
. Furthermore
, it is good for old people
’s mental health to work
because they can connect and make relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
to
other Change preposition
with
people
.
In conclusion, I think it depends on Correct article usage
the situations
situations
whether we should make Fix the agreement mistake
situation
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
of
working age or not. In my opinion, If Change preposition
on
the
old Correct article usage
apply
people
are skillful
and they want to Change the spelling
skilful
work
more, they should work
. In contrast
, if they are not productive, companies should not allow them to work
. I hope government
will make Add an article
the government
this
kind of low
.Correct your spelling
law
Submitted by mayu1022.p on
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Task Achievement
Work on developing your main ideas with more detailed examples. Consider including statistics, personal anecdotes, or hypothetical scenarios to make your arguments more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve logical structuring by using more varied and clear transitional phrases between paragraphs and ideas. This will help guide your reader through your essay more smoothly.
n/a
To enrich your essay, integrate a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary. This will not only enhance coherence but also demonstrate your linguistic flexibility and proficiency.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider the relevance and depth of your examples. While addressing both views, ensure that the examples specifically support the claims you are making about each perspective.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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