IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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These days many individuals invest
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their favorite activities from various fields. I think
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
 reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is
because
Correct word choice
that
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 consider it as a break for themselves from everyday life and it increases their
overall
Linking Words
 productivity.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 practice has
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 impact on society in terms of promoting
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle and making socializing easier in today's busy lives. To start with, pursuing hobbies in
every
Correct determiner usage
an
show examples
day
Correct your spelling
everyday
show examples
 schedule develops practices to alleviate stress in
significant
Change the article
a significant
show examples
 manner. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 easily get exhausted with
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 and other
responsibility
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibilities
show examples
, in these cases, doing what really makes you happy be it for an hour can motivate and charge you for
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 chapter of life.
For example
Linking Words
-
survey
Correct article usage
a survey
show examples
 has revealed that 40% of IT field workers prefer to assign some
time
Use synonyms
 to their hobbies 2-3 times a week.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
performances
Fix the agreement mistake
performance
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 any horizon can be increased if
mind
Add an article
the mind
show examples
 is more
relax
Change the form of the verb
relaxed
show examples
, which could be easily attainable by doing what really excites you in
spare
Correct pronoun usage
your spare
show examples
time
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
counts
Change the verb form
count
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 as one of their preferred activities to perform. If more
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
indulge
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 any kind of physical event, more positive health outcomes can be collected.
For instance
Linking Words
, TOI published
60
Correct word choice
that 60
show examples
% of athletes tend to follow
disease free
Add a hyphen
disease-free
show examples
 lifestyles, which proportionally exhibits better
surrounding
Replace the word
surroundings
show examples
 for mankind.
Second
Change the article
The second
show examples
 point would be,
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
that people
show examples
 tend to socialize more as compared to normal life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if in case, they put
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
to try
Change preposition
into trying
show examples
 out some new interests. Many doings
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to work together as
team
Add an article
a team
show examples
,
promotes
Wrong verb form
promoting
show examples
 making new connections,
equally
Correct word choice
and equally
show examples
 interactive at the same
time
Use synonyms
. All
this
Linking Words
 can result in
friendly
Correct article usage
a friendly
show examples
 and caring neighborhood.
To conclude
Linking Words
, numerous plus points can be collected by taking out some
time
Use synonyms
 to follow what one really enjoys doing in their
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as better mental stability and increase in
performances
Fix the agreement mistake
performance
show examples
 that can
also
Linking Words
 benefit society by making it
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 comfortable place to live.

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Task Response
In your essay, ensure to clearly address the prompt. While you provided reasons and effects related to individuals engaging in hobbies, note that the prompt asked for reasons why few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Revisit the task and ensure your response closely matches the prompt to improve your score in task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. This can help with the coherence of your essay. For instance, instead of starting sentences with 'Secondly,' or 'In addition,' try using phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Consequently,' or 'As a result,' where appropriate.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a clear paragraph structure with a single main idea supported by examples or explanations. While your essay generally follows this structure, ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows logically from the previous can improve clarity and flow.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Devote time
  • Hobbies
  • Nowadays
  • Busy
  • Fast-paced
  • Lifestyles
  • Work and career
  • Technology
  • Digital entertainment
  • Limited
  • Free time
  • Lack of motivation
  • Mental wellbeing
  • Physical wellbeing
  • Decreased
  • Social interactions
  • Creativity
  • Self-expression
  • Negative effects
  • Society
What to do next:
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