Some countries spend a lot of money preparing competitors to take part in major competitions such as Olympic Games or football World Cup. Some people say that it would be better to spend this money encouraging children to take up sports from a young age. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
#countries #money #competitors #part #competitions #olympic #games #football #world #cup #people #children #sports #age
It is important to consider how to use
money
to develop countries' Add an article
the money
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
of
Change preposition
in
sports
. Some people believe there must be some necessity spending
Change preposition
for spending
money
on preparing for vital competitions
, while
others argue that it must be a better way to spend money
on kids to motivate them to do more sports
. I think both of these aims are great, but money
on them should be used wisely and in reasonable proportion.
Competitors
taking part into
major Change preposition
in
competitions
is very important for the development of sports
in a country. Therefore
, spending money
on this
field is necessary. For example
, Chinese
government has invested a lot in the sport of Add an article
the Chinese
pingpong
. Thanks to Correct your spelling
ping pong
ping-pong
this
financial support, Chinese competitors
have been encouraged to treat every pingpong
competition seriously. Correct your spelling
ping pong
ping-pong
As a result
, there is no doubt that,
China is the most excellent country in Remove the comma
apply
Olympic
Games in the field of Correct article usage
the Olympic
pingpong
. If there is no financial support, the result may be Correct your spelling
ping pong
ping-pong
a
Change the article
apply
reverse
.
Wrong verb form
reversed
In addition
to this
, although
spending money
motivating kids to take part into
Change preposition
in
sports
from a young age is a good thing, I would argue that this
money
should be some extra money
rather than some money
which is prepared for major competitions
. Nowadays, children
's health is more and more important in every country. Using money
to encourage children
to do sports
from a young age is a good way to enhance children
's immune system
and keep them healthy. Fix the agreement mistake
systems
However
, government
should organise extra Add an article
the government
money
which needs to be used in this
field. If government
just remove the investment which belongs to Add an article
the government
Olympic
Games' or football World Correct article usage
the Olympic
Cup'
Change noun form
Cup
competitors
to develop children
's sports
, there must be a huge of
dissatisfaction Change preposition
apply
of
the whole society.
Change preposition
in
To sum up
, we not only need to spend money
preparing competitors
to win the big competitions
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
need to spend money
developing children
's sports
. Both of the aims are equally important. We just need to use money
in reasonable
proportion.Correct article usage
a reasonable
Submitted by fiasngs on
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coherence cohesion
You've structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, to strengthen your coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is expressly stated in the first sentence. Also, consider using a wider range of linking phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
To improve task response, make sure your essay addresses all parts of the prompt effectively. While you've covered the main points, enhancing the detail and depth of your arguments with more specific examples and data will strengthen your response. Moreover, ensure that your opinion is clearly stated and consistently maintained throughout the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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