Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful, but they are also likely to suffer from negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Someone are arguing that longer average working time could lead to better gains for national wealth but its citizen have to cope with social issues. In my opinion, I completely agree with that linkage among total of time in workplace, success in economic development and problems in the society.
Firstly
, hard-working period normally results with better outcome and Linking Words
then
makes significant contributions on the success of entire country. In the long history of human being, there is no nation with full of lazy people could enter the list of developed countries.
Linking Words
For example
, the miracle story of Korea in 1960s was written by the generation of hard-working people who used to wholeheartedly dedicate themselves and spent more than 10
hours a day in decades. But that trade-off was worthy of that enermous sacrifice. Since
Linking Words
then
, they evolved from low-income country to be one of the richest in Asia in recent years.
Linking Words
Secondly
, more hours for professional life could reduce the amount of time for personal needs and it is the root causes for unwanted social issues. Obviously, it will be the understandable consequence if you are unable to balance the work and your own life. In Korea, Linking Words
along with
the rapid development for their economy, the divorce rate is aslo experiencing increase through the years. Some evidences explain that spending too much effort in office could drive spouses to have less preference for their marial life. Linking Words
This
is the obvious side-effect for communities that prefer economical success rather than well-being in their society.
In conclusion, Linking Words
although
intensive working schedule could play as vital role for the capital of all countries, they should anticipate the visible negative impact on social development.Linking Words
Submitted by dinhthong1902 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively addresses the topic and states your position clearly. However, some grammatical issues and awkward phrasings detract from clarity. Try to proofread your essay to correct these errors.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some paragraphs could be more effectively developed with clearer topic sentences and transitions.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, but some of your explanations are underdeveloped. Providing more detailed and specific examples would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction and a well-stated thesis that directly addresses the prompt. This is strong and sets up your essay well.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure with clear divisions between different points and ideas. This aids in coherence and makes your argument easier to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.