IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that sport teaches children how to complete, while others believe that children learn team work. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #sport #children #team #work
Sport
 is an important part of life for many people, providing physical and emotional benefits that can
last
 a lifetime. Some people think that
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
learns for
Verb problem
teach
show examples
 teenagers how to
do
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
 results,
while
 others believe that adults can
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
study with a group. In
this
 essay, I will write
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
views
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the topic. On the one hand, some people say that
complete in
Replace the word
completing
show examples
sports
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 adults
successfully
Change the word
successful
show examples
 at school.
To begin
 with, when students
winning
Wrong verb form
win
show examples
sports
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
, their school will be proud and students
builds
Correct subject-verb agreement
build
show examples
 the institute’s reputation.
In addition
, if teenagers get a lot of support from their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 and in the side of school, they obsess in order to win
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the competition again.
As a result
,
sport
 not only gives
completing
Replace the word
completion
show examples
, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
brilliant
Correct article usage
a brilliant
show examples
 life in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 future.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other hand, others argue that
sport
 teaches
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
learn
Fix the infinitive
to learn
show examples
 with
team
Add an article
the team
a team
show examples
, because it
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
powerful instrument for effectively achieving goals. Some
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 games need
team
Add an article
a team
the team
show examples
 to win.
For instance
, a football
team
 has eleven members to play the match. If they play understanding with each other, they can quickly
achieves
Change the verb form
achieve
show examples
 results.
Moreover
, adults may
also
 develop their leadership skills working with a
team
 at a younger age. In conclusion,
sport
 not
just
Rephrase
only
show examples
 gives amazingly healthy,
and
Correct word choice
but
show examples
 it brings
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
show examples
 skills for future life. I hope in future teenagers will
be understand
Change the verb form
understand
show examples
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of
sports
 and I believe they will leave their bad habits, will do
sports
.
Submitted by s_syedy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify the main argument in the introduction, and clearly state your opinion on the issue. This sets a clear direction for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to guide the reader.
task achievement
Support your points with specific examples. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the essay’s structure to ensure a logical flow of ideas from the introduction, through the body paragraphs, to the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Revise grammar and vocabulary for clarity and variety. Avoid repetition and aim for precise, accurate expressions.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: