Some people get into debt by buying things they don`t need and can`t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

Residents of the country spend their money irresistibly increasing loans.
This
essay will show that
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
motivation of society to do
such
things is the lack of financial knowledge. Either, the shortest way to solve it is
Change preposition
to educating
show examples
educating
Replace the word
education
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programs for civilians.
According to
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
statistic`s
data
Add a comma
data,
show examples
basic financial education
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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only 10%
interviewees
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of interviewees
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.
This
is cause for having unreasonable
consumers
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consumer
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culture.
For example
: only 2 adults out of 10 were have been asked are able to understand
meaning
Add an article
the meaning
show examples
of interest rate and credit terms at all.
That is
the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
debts
Change the noun form
debt
show examples
amount. The best way to reduce financial illiteracy is to teach basic financial skills.
Such
kind of easy action would provide for
appearing
Correct article usage
the appearing
show examples
debt’s
free
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
population.
For example
, Danes have got the lowest level of
debts
Fix the agreement mistake
debt
show examples
according to
current social policy. In conclusion,
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
for the irresponsible consumer culture is in the money budgeting skills, our compatriots have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
to achieve it. In accordance with the above, the best way to solve
this
case-to
Correct your spelling
case is to
show examples
educates
Wrong verb form
educate
show examples
them by available educational
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task response
Address the prompt more directly. The essay briefly mentions reasons for the behavior and actions to prevent the problem but lacks depth. Expand on each point with more detailed explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. Within paragraphs, ensure each sentence flows logically to the next, using linking words effectively for coherence.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples. While you mention statistics and the Danish example, providing more detailed examples and explanations can strengthen your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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