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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Students should be primarily taught academic subjects so that they can pass exams, and practical skills such as cooking should not be taught. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #subjects #exams #skills
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There is a widespread belief that only mandatory academic subjects should be taught at school in order for
students
 to pass their exams,
whereas
 other skills, namely cooking, dancing, and sports, should be eliminated from the school's curriculum.
Although
 learning only the core subjects can help
students
 focus more and perform better academically, I partly disagree with
this
 strategy because it would only make
students
 more stressed.
Instead
,
students
 need to have practical skills to help them transition smoothly into the real world. There is no doubt that some countries,
such
 as South Korea and Japan, that have
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
this
 academic goal-driven approach in their schools have a proven track record of resulting in the highest rate of stress levels in children in the world, despite their success rate in the education sector.
This
 is because their
students
 are pushed to achieve better results in their upcoming exams and are prohibited from doing any extracurricular activities or playing with their peers, which may be distractions.
Consequently
, many
students
 may cultivate a stressful school life and a lack of social skills. If
this
 continually occurs,
students
 can be at greater risk of suffering from early-life depression, hindering their studies
as well as
 their social lives.
Submitted by 44sunsets on

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structure
Develop a well-structured introduction that clearly addresses the question and outlines your position. Consider using a thesis statement to make your stance more explicit.
coherence
Work on connecting your ideas more seamlessly using a variety of linking words or phrases. This can involve adding transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow.
task response
Make sure to address all parts of the prompt fully. It's important to discuss both sides of the argument if the question asks for this, before stating your opinion.
content
Incorporate specific, relevant examples to substantiate your main points. These should closely relate to the essay topic and enhance your arguments.
structure
Consider including a concluding paragraph that summarizes your key points and reiterates your stance on the issue. This helps to provide closure and reinforces your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic approach
  • integrate
  • practical skills
  • diminish
  • independence
  • incorporating
  • curriculum
  • concrete applications
  • theoretical knowledge
  • engaging
  • relevant
  • dichotomy
  • interdisciplinary approaches
  • underestimate
  • soft skills
What to do next:
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