IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that cellphones are harmful to the children while others disagree. Discuss and give your opinion.

#people #cellphones #children
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Nowadays, smartphone is the most
importance
Replace the word
important
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 thing for everyone which has some benefits.
This
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also
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 means for
children
Use synonyms
. Some people argue that
cellphone provide
Correct your spelling
cell phones have
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bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 effect
to
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
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,
besides
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, others disagree. In my opinion, I partially agree with some reasons and in
following
Change the article
the following
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 essay, I will define to support my
opine
Correct your spelling
opinion
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. On the one side, the smartphone is
Correct article usage
a usefull
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usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 thing for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 which can help
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
school works
Correct your spelling
schoolwork
show examples
 or studies. We can see, today, the knowledge or study resources are not only available in physical books or in the library but
also
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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soft files that the author believes
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
reduce paper and easy access without having hard
copy
Fix the agreement mistake
copies
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.
For example
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,
children
Use synonyms
 can
easly
Correct your spelling
easily
 find the answer on the internet
while
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 their
parents
Use synonyms
 are not beside them
due to
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 they are working. And
this
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 helps
boths
Correct your spelling
both
parents
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 and
also
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 students. On the other side, as
children
Use synonyms
 are diving alone
on
Change preposition
into
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 the internet world without accompanying by their
parents
Use synonyms
,
this
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provides
Verb problem
has
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 bad effects. Which,
children
Use synonyms
 can access some
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
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 that are not suitable for their ages. And
also
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bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 another problem,
for instance
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,
social
Correct article usage
the social
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 media world. In
this
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 platform they will find everything, and as they are still young and not mature enough to act wisely.
For example
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, they can communicate with
stranger
Add an article
a stranger
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 which may have bad
intention
Fix the agreement mistake
intentions
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to
Change preposition
for
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 them.
Additionally
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,
children
Use synonyms
 can depend on
cellphone
Fix the agreement mistake
cellphones
show examples
 and
using
Wrong verb form
use
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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excersively
Correct your spelling
excessively
exclusively
while
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 they have to do activities outdoors or do some sports. In conclusion, the smartphone for
children
Use synonyms
 will bring
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 and help them a lot in studying and school homework but
this
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 can be
dengerous
Correct your spelling
dangerous
 if
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
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parents
Use synonyms
 do not accompany them using
cellphone
Fix the agreement mistake
cellphones
show examples
. So,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents
Use synonyms
 should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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take care enough to their
children
Use synonyms
Submitted by NIPEACENE on

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task achievement
Work on developing a clear thesis statement in your introduction to set a strong foundation for your argument.
coherence & cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and use topic sentences to improve clarity.
task achievement
Increase the specificity and relevancy of your examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence & cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for better readability.
task achievement
Engage more deeply with the prompt by examining both sides of the argument before presenting a more nuanced personal stance.
coherence & cohesion
Use linking words and transitions more effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the flow of your essay.
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