IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The internet has put everyone on the map and certainly revolutionized the idea of shopping. What could be the negative consequences of this trend and its reasonable solution?

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It is true that online shopping has changed the way that people shop.
This
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 issue has brought a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
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 challenges to the communities which can be counteracted by taking some steps by both society and lawmen.
To begin
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 with, critics of online shops entice people away from them.
Firstly
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, these stores
in
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on
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 the internet have made shopping easier than before which can increase the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
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 of unnecessary items that are purchased and
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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trash production and environmental issues. In 2020,
For example
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, the trash
was
Correct pronoun usage
that was
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 globally produced was three times more than
2015
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in 2015
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according to
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 WHO.
Secondly
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, online stores can eliminate
the
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apply
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local start-ups from the competition and harm the national economy which can even lead to
collapse
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the collapse
a collapse
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 of numerous families.
Finally
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,
internet
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the internet
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 has become more dangerous
due to
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 hackers who can steal the private information of individuals and abuse that and force them to do things they do not want. Some steps can be taken to reduce the negative effects of online shopping. Governments should promote the negative effects of acquiring unnecessary things among young members of society which can hinder them from doing it.
For instance
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, Japan is one of the most successful nations in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of encouraging the community to just
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
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 items for necessary occasions.
Also
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, people and the government should encourage new businesses to step into the economy and back them both financially and in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of motivation. At the same time, the security of the internet should be stimulated to lower concerns about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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private information.
To conclude
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, the community will confront the downsides of online shopping unless governments and individuals cooperate and strive to minimise them.

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Coherence and Cohesion
While you have introduced and concluded your essay, and your essay has a logical structure, aiming to create more direct and clear connections between your ideas could improve the coherence and cohesion of your writing. Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices and ensure that paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next.
Task Achievement
You've provided a complete response to the task, presented clear, comprehensive ideas and relevant examples. However, to enhance your score, focus on expanding the depth and detail of your examples and arguments. Make sure to directly address all aspects of the prompt more evenly to ensure a balanced discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • dominance
  • e-commerce giants
  • compete
  • eventual closure
  • promoting
  • consumerism
  • waste production
  • environmental degradation
  • mitigate
  • regulations
  • sustainable products
  • consumer awareness
  • online fraud
  • security concerns
  • cybersecurity measures
  • data breaches
  • social interaction
  • isolation
  • internet-savvy
  • community-based activities
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