Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individual can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion?

Over the past decades, many topics relating to alteration in
societies
have never ceased to draw public attention. Some people perceive that just authorities could improve
societies
,
whereas
, other people hold the belief that all inhabitants
also
can contribute to social variabilities. From my perspective, both government officials and citizens have a great deal of influence on the development of the public. Both views will be discussed in
this
essay below. Concerning
numerous
Correct article usage
the numerous
show examples
effects of the government on civilizations, they can use their national laws to punish criminals to create secure and safe
societies
for their citizens.
As a result
, inhabitants could have chances to live in peaceful countries
as well as
enjoy their lives totally.
Additionally
, state officials can utilize the education policies to establish more schools and universities for their students so that can reduce illiteracy rates considerably
as well as
increase intellectual levels in their countries
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
can change the public significantly. In terms of individuals, a lot of pressure can be made by customers.
Firstly
, consumers will decide to stop supporting some industries and companies that harm the ecosystem negatively.
For example
, high levels of carbon dioxide and greenhouse effects come from factories and numerous e-waste and plastics could be found after manufacturing processes
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Consequently
, enterprises which are boycotted will change to use environmentally-friendly materials if they want to improve their profits again.
Secondly
, joining
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
charitable or volunteer organizations can
also
change communities a lot, it can help volunteers increase their moral and social values
such
as kindness, leadership skills, and cooperation
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
are completely necessary for the development of civilizations. In conclusion, the government and individuals cannot be put into comparison to consider who contributes more benefits to
societies
because both of them always play an important role in social
Submitted by vantueman496 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

logical structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The structure should guide the reader smoothly from one argument to the other.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion should be clear and reflect your main argument or stance on the topic. It seems your conclusion was cut off - make sure to provide a complete concluding statement.
supported main points
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations. While you've started to do this, adding more depth and detail to your examples will strengthen your argument.
complete response
Address the task directly and make sure your opinion is clear throughout the essay. You have made a good attempt but expanding on your opinion with more detailed arguments could enhance your response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure your ideas are expressed clearly and comprehensively. Consider simplifying complex points for clarity or elaborating on ideas to fully express them.
relevant specific examples
Use relevant, specific examples to support your claims. While you have included some examples, making them more detailed and directly tied to your main points will improve your essay.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: