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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people like to try new things, for example, places to visit and types of food. Other people prefer to keep doing things they are familiar with. Discuss the both these attitudes and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #places #visit #food #attitudes #answers
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People
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 have different attitudes towards
things
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 around them.
While
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 some
people
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 like to do
things
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 they are used to, I prefer those
people
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 who love to experience new
things
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. On the one hand, there are reasons why
people
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 do the same
things
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 over and over again.
Firstly
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, they may want to make their life more simple with a routine.
As a result
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 of having a set of routines, they might be more disciplined and probable to maximize their time to do something more important,
such
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 as their work.
Secondly
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, if they stick to
things
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 they usually do, they could deepen their skill in that one field.
For example
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,
people
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 who have drawing as a hobby could be masters if they invest their best time in it.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 who like to try new
things
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also
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 have reasons for their choice.
Firstly
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, those who like to do new
things
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 usually are a risk taker. It means they can make their life to be more interesting.
Thus
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, they can feel more alive.
Furthermore
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, by experiencing new
things
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,
people
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 can be more easily to adapt a new environment, have a chance to expand their network, and gain tacit knowledge.
For instance
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, a traveller who loves to explore new places has a wide range of experiences like how to communicate with others who have
a different cultures
Correct the article-noun agreement
different cultures
a different culture
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. In conclusion,
people
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 have different approaches to living their lives with the choices of whether to be brave enough to out for new
things
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 or to be disciplined with the
things
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 they usually do.
Therefore
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, I side with those who love to try new
things
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 since it will help to face the real world.
Submitted by mmmuuu on

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Structure
In your introduction, try to more clearly delineate between the two perspectives to provide a stronger foundation for your essay. This will help the reader understand the basis of each point of view from the outset.
Coherence
Organize your paragraphs more effectively by introducing them with a clear topic sentence. Ensure that each sentence within the paragraph supports the main idea introduced in the topic sentence.
Conclusion
While your conclusion summarizes your personal stance, try to also briefly reiterate the reasons behind both viewpoints discussed. This will strengthen the cohesion between your discussion and conclusion.
Support
To better support your points, include more specific examples or personal experiences. This not only aids in illustrating your arguments but also makes your essay more engaging.
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