The pie charts below show the devices people in the age 18 -25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.

#show #devices #people #age #group #television #canada #two #years

The pie charts illustrate the usage percentage of six different devices (Mobile

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

Laptop

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Laptops

show examples

Tablet

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Tablets

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, Desktop

computer

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computers

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, Flat-screen

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TVs

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, and Conventional

) to watch

by young people between the ages of 18 and 25

years

in two different

years

2009 and 2019.

Overall

, in 2009, conventional

constituted the main device to watch

while

in 2019 it was Falt-screen

In contrast

, the least used

device

Fix the agreement mistake

devices

show examples

was

Correct subject-verb agreement

were

show examples

tablets in 2009 and Conventional TVs in 2019. There was a major difference in the percentage of the preferred device in 10

years

. The percentage of Conventional

, which was 34% in 2009, decreased significantly by 30% in 2019.

Similarly

, laptop and desktop computers, that was 20% and 18% respectively, fell to 12% for both in 10

years

. The mobile phone,

on the other hand

, rose from 15% to 26%.

Also

, for both flat-screen TVs and tablets, there was a major increase, from 8% to more than a quarter for flat-screen TVs,

whereas

tablets went up from 5% to approximately a fifth in 2019.

Submitted by s_syedy on Tue Mar 12 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words tv, years with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

173 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pie charts
18 to 25 age group
devices
watch television
Canada
comparison
shift
preferences
mobile devices
traditional televisions
technological advancements
television viewing habits

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The pie charts below show the devices people in the age 18 -25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.

Nowadays, many people use the Internet to get medical advice instead of going to see a doctor. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think this can have negative effects on children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both these views.

Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in term of their health and healthcare. What do you think why so many children are overweight. What is to be done to solve this problem