Some people say that family has the most powerful influence on a child’s development; however, others say that influences such as music, other people,... have the greatest influence on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In the realm of a
child
's development
many Add a comma
development,
stimulus
Change to a plural noun
stimuli
put
Verb problem
have
impact
. Many people argue that the influence of mother and father is more strong as compared to external factors. Correct article usage
an impact
However
, others claim that outside
Correct article usage
the outside
environment
is more powerful in shaping the personality of a kid. This
essay intends to analyse both views and explain why I am in favour of the former idea.
To commence with, bloodline
plays a vital role in shaping a human being. Long-term nature of family relationships, asserting that a supportive and Correct article usage
the bloodline
nuturing
family Correct your spelling
nurturing
environment
lays the foundation for a child
's well rounded
growth. It is Add a hyphen
well-rounded
also
seen that kids who are separated from their loved ones are more prone to do illegal activities. For example
, studies have shown that higher divorse
rates are among those couples whose mother and father have separated at a very early stage. Correct your spelling
divorce
Moreover
, the offsprings
of drug addicted couples are more likely to be alcoholics during their lives.
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
On the other hand
, it would be too careless if we did not pay attention to our surronding
Correct your spelling
surrounding
surroundings
environment
in shaping our child
. Teenagers are mostly influenced by their buddies. For example
, we can imagine the language and wording style of a kid after admitting him to school. Moreover
, if a child
watch
a daily soap, he will start using their words. Change the verb form
watches
Besides
that, there is a lot of difference between the behaviour of siblings who are brought up in same
family, Add an article
a same
the same
same
home and school. It is just because of Correct word choice
apply
environment
in which they are playing outside their home and Add an article
the environment
specific
conditions they are exposed to.
In Conclusion, a Correct article usage
the specific
child
can attain a good personality build with the help of his guardians. In my opinion, both parents and social circle can affect the development of a baby's personality, but; what they learn from their family inspires them the most.Submitted by bawanpreet070 on
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Language Use
Ensure consistent adherence to formal writing standards, avoiding informal expressions such as 'kids' in place of 'children'.
Task Achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support both views and your opinion for stronger task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider using a wider range of linking phrases to connect ideas more smoothly in your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better cohesion, make sure to clearly separate paragraphs and develop a singular idea in each, which helps in organizing your essay more effectively.
Language Use
Revise for grammatical accuracy and spelling, as errors can distract from the argument being made. For example, 'divorse rates' should be 'divorce rates'.