Some people say that family has the most powerful influence on a child’s development; however, others say that influences such as music, other people,... have the greatest influence on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In the realm of a

child

Use synonyms

development

Add a comma

development,

show examples

many

stimulus

Change to a plural noun

stimuli

show examples

put

Verb problem

have

show examples

impact

Correct article usage

an impact

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. Many people argue that the influence of mother and father is more strong as compared to external factors.

However

Linking Words

, others claim that

outside

Correct article usage

the outside

show examples

environment

Use synonyms

is more powerful in shaping the personality of a kid.

This

Linking Words

essay intends to analyse both views and explain why I am in favour of the former idea. To commence with,

bloodline

Correct article usage

the bloodline

show examples

plays a vital role in shaping a human being. Long-term nature of family relationships, asserting that a supportive and

nuturing

Correct your spelling

nurturing

family

environment

Use synonyms

lays the foundation for a

child

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well rounded

Add a hyphen

well-rounded

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growth. It is

also

Linking Words

seen that kids who are separated from their loved ones are more prone to do illegal activities.

For example

Linking Words

, studies have shown that higher

divorse

Correct your spelling

divorce

rates are among those couples whose mother and father have separated at a very early stage.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the

offsprings

Fix the agreement mistake

offspring

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of drug addicted couples are more likely to be alcoholics during their lives.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, it would be too careless if we did not pay attention to our

surronding

Correct your spelling

surrounding

surroundings

environment

Use synonyms

in shaping our

child

Use synonyms

. Teenagers are mostly influenced by their buddies.

For example

Linking Words

, we can imagine the language and wording style of a kid after admitting him to school.

Moreover

Linking Words

, if a

child

Use synonyms

watch

Change the verb form

watches

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a daily soap, he will start using their words.

Besides

Linking Words

that, there is a lot of difference between the behaviour of siblings who are brought up in

same

Add an article

a same

the same

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family,

same

Correct word choice

apply

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home and school. It is just because of

Use synonyms

environment

Add an article

the environment

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in which they are playing outside their home and

specific

Correct article usage

the specific

show examples

conditions they are exposed to. In Conclusion, a

child

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can attain a good personality build with the help of his guardians. In my opinion, both parents and social circle can affect the development of a baby's personality, but; what they learn from their family inspires them the most.

bawanpreet070Tue Mar 12 2024

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Language Use

Ensure consistent adherence to formal writing standards, avoiding informal expressions such as 'kids' in place of 'children'.

Task Achievement

Provide more detailed and specific examples to support both views and your opinion for stronger task achievement.

Coherence and Cohesion

To enhance coherence, consider using a wider range of linking phrases to connect ideas more smoothly in your arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

For better cohesion, make sure to clearly separate paragraphs and develop a singular idea in each, which helps in organizing your essay more effectively.

Language Use

Revise for grammatical accuracy and spelling, as errors can distract from the argument being made. For example, 'divorse rates' should be 'divorce rates'.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

308 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

inherent qualities
nurture versus nature
cognitive development
socialization
intrinsic values
peer pressure
media exposure
parental guidance
adolescence
formative years
behavioral patterns
emotional intelligence
cultural norms
social constructs
influence
development
impact
genetic predispositions
personality
environment

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Some people say that family has the most powerful influence on a child’s development; however, others say that influences such as music, other people,... have the greatest influence on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

You recently organized a party for your company at a hotel. Write a letter to the hotel manager. In your letter. -describe the party and how it went -explain why you were pleased with the hotel service. -suggest some improvements that the hotel could make

You have bought some clothing online and are not satisfied with your purchase. Write a letter to the company that you bought the clothing from. In your email -Give detail of the purchase -Desribe the problem -Explain why you need a replacement urgently.

Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of that all mothers and fathers should be required to take the childcare training courses. Do you agree or disagree?