IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

it is difficult for people in cities to get enough physical excercise. what are the causes and solutions?

#people #cities #excercise
In
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 days and ages,
exercise
 is very important for each other.
This
 is not difficult to do but for people in
Add an article
the borough
show examples
borough
Add a comma
borough,
show examples
 it becomes much more difficult.
This
 essay will analyze some reasons that cause the issue
amd
Correct your spelling
and
address
Add the particle
to address
show examples
 some measures to tackle
this
. At the outset,there are a plethora of reasons causing the problem.the first reason that we need to concern is that
peple
Correct your spelling
people
 in the city have a lot of
work
 to do. They have so much
work
 that they have to
work
 until morning and
exercise
 seems to disappear.
Exercise
 seems to have become a part of their daily routine. They skip exercising every day. They don't care about the severity of the
exercise
. Notwithstanding,some solutions are suggested to address
this
 issue.
Firstly
, when they
work
 until the evening, they can spend a few minutes exercising.
This
also
 helps their
health
 to be better and it can
also
 help them stay more alert to continue their
work
.
Secondly
, everyone should spend some of their free time
instead
 of entertaining themselves with social networks,
then
 entertain themselves with
exercise
. That
also
 helps them relax more and
work
 more effectively.
Although
 the above will not be as effective as regular
exercise
, it can still help their
health
 better. In conclusion,
Exercise
 is indispensable and extremely important for every person. It helps their
health
 become better and helps them stay alert and have more energy to
work
 or study. So even in the city, everyone must spend some time exercising
otherwise
 their
health
 will no longer be good and can cause many diseases.
Submitted by nguyenhoanghadl on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure each paragraph contains one main idea, supported by relevant examples or further explanation. This helps the reader follow your argument more clearly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on clearer topic sentences for each paragraph. This will help in organizing the essay better and in making your main points stand out.
Lexical Resource
Try to broaden your range of vocabulary. Using varied and appropriate vocabulary can significantly enhance the quality of your essay.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical errors and work on improving your grammatical range and accuracy. Frequent errors can hinder the clarity of your message.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: