IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that schools should invest more money in technology, such as more computers, while others think more money should be spent on teachers. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #schools #money #technology #computers #teachers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
automation has become a vital part of all facets of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, in the modern world we can not imagine our lives without
technology
 it is impossible to imagine our lives without
technology
 so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some people suggest spending increasingly on computers, but some are in favour of spending on
teachers
.
However
, I will shed light on both views on whether more money should be spent on
teachers
 or computers and will give my opinion. To commence with,
technology
 comes in handy when we think of learning in rural areas or areas which are not accessible to many
students
.
For instance
, during the COVID-19 pandemic,
technology
 was a boon in pupils' lives where they were able to pursue their studies online with the help of computers.
Secondly
,
technology
 provides up-to-date knowledge with one click of a button.
Students
 can get various ideas about one topic online,
whereas
teachers
 only can deliver bookish knowledge.
On the other hand
, a
teacher
 is considered a building block in society where he/she can teach analytical thinking to their learners,as a computer can give us ideas about any topic but can not make us understand.
Besides
this
teacher
Add a comma
teacher,
show examples
teachers
 can make
students
 better citizens by inculcating moral values in turn teaching discipline,
good
Correct word choice
and good
show examples
 communication and
refrain
Wrong verb form
refraining
show examples
students
 from indulging in unnecessary activities.
Students
 spend most of their time with the
teacher
thus
teacher
 is called a second parent who keeps an eye on their
students
 and monitors their progress not only in their studies but
also
holistic
Change preposition
in holistic
show examples
 development. In conclusion, in my opinion,
teachers
 and
technology
 go hand in hand in today's world. Education can be improved with the help of using the latest equipment of
technology
 but replacing
teachers
 seems feasible as
technology
 is not an active part of learning.
Submitted by bawagurpreet090 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should serve a specific function in your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs, but make sure they are used accurately and help the reader to follow your argument.
Task Achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the task. Discuss both views fully and provide a clear opinion. It's crucial to develop your arguments with explanations and examples.
Task Achievement
Increase the variety and accuracy of your vocabulary to precisely express your ideas. Using a range of vocabulary demonstrates your language ability and helps to convey your points more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, it's helpful to plan your essay before writing. This enables you to organize your ideas and ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
Task Achievement
In your argument, it's important to provide specific examples to support your points. These examples make your argument more convincing and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: