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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend?

#competitiveness #quality #people #societies #individuals #trend
In light of the rapid development of
society
, being competitive is one of the beneficial traits for us to survive. I believe that
this
 good trait has a positive effect on both individuals and
society
. A healthy competition can significantly improve the likelihood of individual success in both
academy
Replace the word
academics
show examples
 and
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. Under
this
 driving force,
people
 will be inclined to focus on their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 or work since there is a specific target to achieve and clearly aware of the gap between others and themselves.
For instance
, it is ubiquitous that examination scores are ranged in school. The main purpose is to realize each student’s academic circumstance and encourage students to do better in the next. The lack of knowledge about
current
Correct pronoun usage
their current
show examples
 position will diminish their motivation to study hard.
Consequently
, it will be formidable for them to go to college.
Furthermore
, a huge ambition and rivalry can contribute to a better community to live.
People
 are keen to increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
effectiveness and efficiency
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 creation and innovation which lead to a
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 progress, promoting the happiness of
people
.
For example
,
A
Correct article usage
An
show examples
 offline clothes store businessman
try
Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
show examples
 to attract more customers and boost sales than other shops by developing
online
Correct article usage
an online
show examples
 shopping website and providing 24
hours
Correct your spelling
24-hour
 online service center which
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
 consumers to purchase clothes
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 any time, significantly improving the quality of
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. If everyone is satisfied with
current
Add an article
the current
show examples
 situation and is not ambitious, it is impossible that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 would advance.
Overall
, rivalry is a positive force that not only can lead to individual success but
also
 can advance
people
’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
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coherence cohesion
To maximize your score, make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that this idea is immediately clear to the reader. This helps in enhancing coherence.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, lexical phrases) to demonstrate flexibility and skill in linking your ideas more seamlessly.
task achievement
Expand upon your examples by providing deeper analysis and reflection on how your examples support your main points. This will help in making your response more complete and detailed.
task achievement
Pay attention to varying your sentence structures to avoid repetition and demonstrate a wide range of grammar usage. This practice benefits both task achievement and coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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