Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government's responsibility. What is your opinion?

There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over whether making an investment in the medical care and educational system is of the essence for the governor.
While
some claim that the
lawmaker
Fix the agreement mistake
lawmakers
show examples
ought to cover the expense,the opposite makes a statement that there is a lack of consensus regarding whether it is the
government
's accountability. I would contend that the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
should splurge money on them but they don't pay it completely. Without a shadow of a doubt, providing financial support for medical care and schooling should be
Correct article usage
the responsible
show examples
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
government
. The explanation for
this
could be that
dweller’s
Fix the agreement mistake
dwellers’
show examples
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
quality and physical
health
can be significantly improved, leading to a boost in the national economy.
For example
, the policy of providing scholarships and
health
insurance for citizens is adopted by some leading countries
such
as Germany and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Holland with prosperous economies.
Therefore
, paying for the above two important systems is a necessary thing that the
government
should do.
While
the necessity for financial support for
health
and education by the
government
is widely acknowledged, they should not cover
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
at all. And the basis of
this
is that national coffers are limited since they still have to subsidize other aspects. And residents should pay for them themselves because they will be more accountable and raise awareness about
health
protection and quality assurance research. Building infrastructure, developing tourism and strengthening the entertainment industry can be cited as third of the most remarkable examples
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
governments need to invest
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. So all the expenses from the mentioned facets will not be funded by them. In conclusion,
although
financial support for schooling and the
health
care system is put into priority for national economic development,
this
cost should not be completely covered by the
government
’s
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the main question or statement. While your position is clear, you could enhance your essay by more explicitly stating how health care and education relate directly to whether or not it's the government's responsibility.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. While your logical structure is solid, using varied connectors can help with the overall cohesion and make your essay read more smoothly.
Task Achievement & Coherence & Cohesion
Provide specific examples that directly support your main points. Your essay mentions examples like Germany and the Holland, but expanding on these with more detailed explanation or introducing additional examples will strengthen your argument and task response.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!