Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government's responsibility. What is your opinion?

There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over whether making an investment in the medical care and educational system is of the essence for the governor.
While
some claim that the
lawmaker
Fix the agreement mistake
lawmakers
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ought to cover the expense,the opposite makes a statement that there is a lack of consensus regarding whether it is the
government
's accountability. I would contend that the
authority
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authorities
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should splurge money on them but they don't pay it completely. Without a shadow of a doubt, providing financial support for medical care and schooling should be
Correct article usage
the responsible
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responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
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by
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of
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the
government
. The explanation for
this
could be that
dweller’s
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dwellers’
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labor
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labour
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quality and physical
health
can be significantly improved, leading to a boost in the national economy.
For example
, the policy of providing scholarships and
health
insurance for citizens is adopted by some leading countries
such
as Germany and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Holland with prosperous economies.
Therefore
, paying for the above two important systems is a necessary thing that the
government
should do.
While
the necessity for financial support for
health
and education by the
government
is widely acknowledged, they should not cover
for
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apply
show examples
this
at all. And the basis of
this
is that national coffers are limited since they still have to subsidize other aspects. And residents should pay for them themselves because they will be more accountable and raise awareness about
health
protection and quality assurance research. Building infrastructure, developing tourism and strengthening the entertainment industry can be cited as third of the most remarkable examples
which
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in which
show examples
governments need to invest
in
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apply
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. So all the expenses from the mentioned facets will not be funded by them. In conclusion,
although
financial support for schooling and the
health
care system is put into priority for national economic development,
this
cost should not be completely covered by the
government
’s
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the main question or statement. While your position is clear, you could enhance your essay by more explicitly stating how health care and education relate directly to whether or not it's the government's responsibility.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. While your logical structure is solid, using varied connectors can help with the overall cohesion and make your essay read more smoothly.
Task Achievement & Coherence & Cohesion
Provide specific examples that directly support your main points. Your essay mentions examples like Germany and the Holland, but expanding on these with more detailed explanation or introducing additional examples will strengthen your argument and task response.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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