Part 2 Some educators believe that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#part #educators #child #instrument

In today's world, the role which music plays has been of great importance. It is believed that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument and I partially agree with

this

statement, as deciding

Change preposition

apply

show examples

children should have career performance rather than being forced. Music has numerous benefits.

Firstly

, it promotes cognitive development. Playing a musical instrument requires the combination of different senses like seeing and hearing

as well as

manual manipulation of these instruments with hands and feet simultaneously, which eventually inclines them towards multitasking effectively.

For instance

, when playing a classical drum, players have to make use of their legs, hands and brain all at once.

Secondly

this

serves as a form of recreational activity which in the long run can be a source of income.

On the other hand

, juveniles are different in terms of nature, personalities and hobbies.

To begin

with, it is not important

they

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

they must be singing candidates. If they are forced to do what they have no interest in, there are a plethora of side effects.

However

, if adolescents learn

playing

Change the verb form

to play

show examples

a musical instrument

according to

their choice, they stand a chance to excel.

In addition

, learning any musical appliance requires a lot of funds and

low income

Add a hyphen

low-income

show examples

families can not afford the fee to buy the materials including paying a tutor.

Thus

Correct article usage

the interest

show examples

interest

Correct article usage

the interest

show examples

of children and the financial status of parents should be properly considered. In conclusion, it is a diversional activity and

boost

Change the verb form

boosts

show examples

their intellectual development, it disregards their personal interests and poses a huge financial strain

parents

Change preposition

on parents

show examples

. (261 words)

Submitted by g4832525 on Wed Mar 13 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

To strengthen your argument, ensure your essay has a clear, distinct opinion that is consistent throughout. This makes it easier for the reader to follow and understand your stance on the topic.

coherence and cohesion

Enhance your essay by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs, providing a smoother reader experience.

task response

Develop and expand your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. This will help to substantiate your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.

coherence and cohesion

Work on concluding your essay more effectively by summarizing your key points and restating your main opinion. This reinforces your argument and provides a satisfactory closure for the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

263 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives.
In temporary life, given the high demand of job’s recruitment, risk-taking may take a crucial role, not only in professional lives but also in casual lives. Despite the fact that risk-taking is inherently jeopardized, taking calculated risks are extremely essential for progress and success. In my opinion, facing struggles will bring more high opportunities that outweigh the drawbacks.
5.5
band
It is suggested that everyone wants to own a car fridge and tv do the disadvantages to society outweigh the advantages
Undoubtedly, in this modern era, a number of modifications have taken place in the nation. Due to this, everyone wants to own a technical device such as a car, fridge or TV. Thus, the disadvantages to the community outweigh as far more than the advantages.
8
band
In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?
In today’s modern era, the advancement of knowledge and technology has helped us to boost farm industries. However, despite the fact that our agriculture has reached higher yields, numerous communities remain starving. In this essay, we shall dig into more of the reasons why this issue continues to exist and actions to solve massive hunger.
5
band
More and more business as well as individuals are choosing to communicate either professionally of socially rather than being face to face. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using technology for communicating.
Nowadays, the number of the people is using different ways to communicate than meet look to aspect of interaction. There are many pros and cons behind using them so this essay will outline the advantages and disadvantages of communication reasons and mention some possible opinions of mine.
4
band
Although it is generally illegal, physical punishment continues in many countries. Some argue that parents should have the right to punish their children in this way.
Penalising and hitting children for their mistakes had always been a very common practice by the parents of older generations years back.However,with time it has been acknowledged to be an illegal act and is strictly discouraged.Both physical and mental abuse has always been considered to be against the legal rules in majority of the foreign countries.It is quiet unfortunate that a huge number of parents still come up with arguements in order to establish their rights over punishing their children in their own way.In my opinion,guardians can penalise their kids to teach them,but can never physically hit or abuse them as I will explain.

Part 2 Some educators believe that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives.

It is suggested that everyone wants to own a car fridge and tv do the disadvantages to society outweigh the advantages

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

More and more business as well as individuals are choosing to communicate either professionally of socially rather than being face to face. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using technology for communicating.

Although it is generally illegal, physical punishment continues in many countries. Some argue that parents should have the right to punish their children in this way.