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Part 2 To succeed in a business, one needs to know maths. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#part #business #maths
It is true that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 working in an economic field requires a deep knowledge of maths.
While
 it is believed that people need to know maths to succeed in a business, I partially agree with
this
 statement as decided to
businessman
Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
show examples
 will need
math
 as a tool to solve business problems.
Firstly
, science can help to solve sophisticated equations,
businessman
Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
show examples
 can use maths to calculate incomes, outcomes or the salaries of employees and manage the number of employees.
For instance
, they can count the profits those employees bring and
then
 give reasonable wages to them.
Secondly
, learning
math
 will allow people to have a creative mind and improve critical thinking. Undoubtedly, a
genious
Correct your spelling
genius
 in analytical or other fields related to
math
 always
solve
Correct subject-verb agreement
solves
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 issues in the fastest and most intelligent ways.
On the other hand
, some undergraduates confirmed that they did not complete any class or school, but still come off well. It might be true in a few cases, but in reality, they must have little knowledge
in
Change preposition
of
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math
 to solve easy problems. To achieve
such
 a successful result in employment, a company must have accountants and managers in the economy, but
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 top of
that is
 a leader who has trustable
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
 and strategies to bring their team to come up with extraordinary solutions. If people make a low or medium transaction, they would not need to use complex calculations. But if they own a high dimension of the company, they might hire experts for help. In conclusion,
math
 is not only the way to succeed in a trade but
also
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is crucial when they want to start a business. (272 words)
Submitted by g4832525 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure your essay has a clear position throughout. While you attempt to explore both sides of the argument, ensure that your own view is clear and maintained consistently to avoid confusion.
Task Achievement
Work on providing more specific and varied examples to support your arguments. General statements should be supplemented with specific, concrete examples to strengthen your point.
Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on varied and sophisticated sentence structures. Avoid overly simple sentences as they can impact the richness of your writing. Experiment with complex sentence forms to express your ideas more effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Organise your essay more effectively by dedicating paragraphs to specific arguments. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea of the paragraph, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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