Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Some youngsters younger generation unhealthy.
are be
with their smartphones Change the verb form
are
longer
Change preposition
for longer
time
everyday
.TheReplace the word
every day
post COVID
change in education to online Add a hyphen
post-COVID
flatform
could be a major reason for Correct your spelling
platform
this
, however
Add a comma
however,
addiction
to social media
may prone young kids to be with thire
phones all the Correct your spelling
their
time
.In my opinion, this
is a negative development and Correct article usage
the resons
resons
are Correct your spelling
reasons
analyticaly
presented in Correct your spelling
analytically
this
essay.
To commence with, recent
transition of education to online Correct article usage
the recent
flatform
like Correct your spelling
platform
zoom
, Capitalize word
Zoom
jamboard
and Correct your spelling
jam board
whatsapp
have attracted the young Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
Whatsapp
audiance
to the Correct your spelling
audience
smartdevices
a lot. Correct your spelling
smart devices
With
the COVID Change preposition
During
time
, teachers used to transform their physical classes to online and they used to give all the home works
and Fix the agreement mistake
work
assesments
Correct your spelling
assessments
assessment
in
Change preposition
on
Correct article usage
the internet
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
flatform
, and even in theCorrect your spelling
platform
post COVID
era people try to follow the same Add a hyphen
post-COVID
due to
it's
Replace the word
its
convienience
. Correct your spelling
convenience
convenient
For example
, even in a developing country like the
Sri Lanka most Correct article usage
apply
schools
teachers send their Change the noun form
school
assesments
and Correct your spelling
assessments
home works
via online Correct your spelling
homework
flatforms
like ZOOM channels. Correct your spelling
platforms
Thus
students have to use their easily available mobile phones to do those works by letting them to
be Change the verb form
apply
in
their Change preposition
on
mobilephones
all the Correct your spelling
mobile phones
time
.
Furthermore
, addiction
to the
social Correct article usage
apply
media
is a
another main reason for the first mention notion.Some students are Remove the article
apply
tring
to build their personalities over social Correct your spelling
trying
media's
like Facebook, Tick tok and Change noun form
media
Youtube
,and they need to be Correct your spelling
YouTube
in
the sites all the Change preposition
on
time
responding and making new stuffs
to maintain their status Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
in
these platforms.Change preposition
on
For instance
, according to
a
recent research done by the Remove the article
apply
university
of Capitalize word
University
moratuwa
50% of Change the capitalization
Moratuwa
school children
in Correct your spelling
schoolchildren
Colombo
Correct article usage
the Colombo
distric
have their own youtube channels.Correct your spelling
district
Hence
, to maintain them , the kids have to be with their smartphones all the time
.
In addition
, I believe this
leadsCorrect article usage
the
such
as eye injuries and non communicable
diseases are common with Add a hyphen
non-communicable
Correct article usage
the present
present day
younger generation Add a hyphen
present-day
due to
inactivity and always looking at a high resolution
screen. Add a hyphen
high-resolution
In particular
, according to
the
Correct article usage
apply
last
year
national health Change noun form
year's
report
30% of children below 15 Add a comma
report,
yrs
Correct your spelling
years
are diagnose
with type 2 Change the verb form
are diagnosed
are diagnosing
diabetic
in Sri Lanka.Replace the word
diabetes
Therefore
, smartphone addiction
is a bad trend in todays
context.
In Change to a genitive case
today's
conclution
, educational purposes and social Correct your spelling
conclusion
media
addiction
could be major reasons for youngsters to be in
mobile Change preposition
on
divices
all the Correct your spelling
devices
time
while
Correct word choice
which
this
can lead to Correct pronoun usage
apply
unhealthy
younger generation in the country. Add an article
the unhealthy
an unhealthy
Thus
, this
writer is
in strong notion that children Verb problem
has
spend
hours every day on their smartphones is a negative development.Wrong verb form
spending
Submitted by dinaka0001 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence & Cohesion
To maintain a high level of coherence, continue structuring your essays with clear introductory and concluding paragraphs. Ensure that each main point is introduced, explained, and concluded in a logical manner.
Task Achievement
Keep using relevant and specific examples to support your main points as you did in this essay. It helps in effectively conveying your argument and engaging the reader.
General
Consider revising for minor grammatical errors and typing mistakes to further refine your writing. Such revisions can make your essay even more polished and easy to read.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay effectively introduces and concludes the topic, guiding the reader through your arguments seamlessly.
Task Achievement
You've successfully supported your main points with relevant and specific examples, enhancing the persuasiveness of your essay.
Content Depth
Your engagement with the topic is thorough and shows a deep understanding, making a compelling argument for your perspective.
Include an introduction and conclusion
A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.
The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.
The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:
- Summary
- Restatement of thesis
- Prediction or recommendation
Example:
To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.
Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:
- In conclusion
- To conclude
- To summarize
- Finally
- In a nutshell
- In general
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!