IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. Why do you think that is? What problems can this cause?

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It is true that advances in the realm of urban
areas
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
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 better than
rural
Change preposition
in rural
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areas
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the majority of
people
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 prefer to reside in town in recent years. The main problem may lie in
strain
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a strain
the strain
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 of
infrastructure
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 and
health
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problems
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.
To begin
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 with,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 in the level of
people
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 in urban
areas
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 can seriously jeopardize the environment.
This
Linking Words
 is because, as more
people
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 move into cities, the demand for housing, transportation and
utilize
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utilisation
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 increases, often
capacity
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the capacity
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 of existing systems.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to overcrowding and
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
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 of resources like water and electricity. In order to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 concern, individuals should reduce their impact on
infrastructure
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. They can use public transportation
instead
Linking Words
 of driving alone, or they can reduce energy consumption by using energy-efficient appliances and turning off lights when not in use. In doing so, individuals can contribute to the
overall
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 effort to reduce the strain of urban
infrastructure
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 caused by overpopulation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, another worrying aspect of the uprise of
people
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 in urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 is
health
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 issues.
In other
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words
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words,
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 overcrowding and pollution can lead to
health
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problems
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such
Linking Words
 as respiratory
problems
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 and increased risk of disease outbreaks. To illustrate, in cities with high levels of traffic and industrial
emissions
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emissions,
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 residents may be exposed to harmful pollutants that can cause respiratory conditions. Addressing
this
Linking Words
 issue involves mass media shouldering the responsibility to reduce air pollution
such
Linking Words
 as promoting the use of public transportation.
To conclude
Linking Words
, living in urban
areas
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 can lead to numerous
problems
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. Two main dangers of
this
Linking Words
 switch can be strain
of
Change preposition
on
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infrastructure
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 and
health
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problems
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 which should be minimized by
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 and mass media.

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task achievement
A more thorough introduction to the topic, including a clear thesis statement, would enhance the clarity and effectiveness of your essay.
task achievement
Elaborate your ideas more comprehensively by providing more detailed examples and explaining how these examples support your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a logical flow of ideas by using transitional phrases and ensuring that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion should more clearly summarize the main points discussed in the essay and restate your thesis in light of the evidence provided.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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