IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. Why do you think that is? What problems can this cause?

#countries #people #areas
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It is true that advances in the realm of urban
areas
is
Change the verb form
are
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 better than
rural
Change preposition
in rural
show examples
areas
.
Therefore
, the majority of
people
 prefer to reside in town in recent years. The main problem may lie in
strain
Add an article
a strain
the strain
show examples
 of
infrastructure
 and
health
problems
.
To begin
 with,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in the level of
people
 in urban
areas
 can seriously jeopardize the environment.
This
 is because, as more
people
 move into cities, the demand for housing, transportation and
utilize
Replace the word
utilisation
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 increases, often
capacity
Add an article
the capacity
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 of existing systems.
This
 can lead to overcrowding and
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of resources like water and electricity. In order to mitigate
this
 concern, individuals should reduce their impact on
infrastructure
. They can use public transportation
instead
 of driving alone, or they can reduce energy consumption by using energy-efficient appliances and turning off lights when not in use. In doing so, individuals can contribute to the
overall
 effort to reduce the strain of urban
infrastructure
 caused by overpopulation.
Moreover
, another worrying aspect of the uprise of
people
 in urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 is
health
 issues.
In other
words
Add a comma
words,
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 overcrowding and pollution can lead to
health
problems
such
 as respiratory
problems
 and increased risk of disease outbreaks. To illustrate, in cities with high levels of traffic and industrial
emissions
Add a comma
emissions,
show examples
 residents may be exposed to harmful pollutants that can cause respiratory conditions. Addressing
this
 issue involves mass media shouldering the responsibility to reduce air pollution
such
 as promoting the use of public transportation.
To conclude
, living in urban
areas
 can lead to numerous
problems
. Two main dangers of
this
 switch can be strain
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
infrastructure
 and
health
problems
 which should be minimized by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and mass media.
Submitted by g4832525 on

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task achievement
A more thorough introduction to the topic, including a clear thesis statement, would enhance the clarity and effectiveness of your essay.
task achievement
Elaborate your ideas more comprehensively by providing more detailed examples and explaining how these examples support your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a logical flow of ideas by using transitional phrases and ensuring that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion should more clearly summarize the main points discussed in the essay and restate your thesis in light of the evidence provided.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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