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Band 2.5

With the development of online, there is no future for the radio. To what extent do you agree?

#development #future #radio
Nowadays social media and
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 become
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 popular
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to read
news
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the news
show examples
 or
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
show examples
radio
. Some
people
 believe that with
this
 concept
radio
 will not survive in the future. In my opinion
radio
's future is not brilliant, but it could
be survive
Change the verb form
survive
show examples
 for old-fashioned
people
.
However
, everything becomes much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
easier for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means you can get whatever you want with only one click on your phone including listening
radio
. There is no reason
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 search and carry big radios with you as everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a smartphone.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 not everyone can deal with new technology
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 our grandparents.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 the old-fashioned
people
 know that it's not the same to click and listen
some
Change preposition
to some
show examples
 music it is much more nostalgic to
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
show examples
 it on the
radio
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 technology is growing up quickly and
this
 brings
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 much more easy
Correct your spelling
access
accsess
Correct your spelling
access
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 everything listening to music as well but old-fashioned
people
 will continue to prefer
radio
Correct article usage
the radio
show examples
instead
 of online
Submitted by yuzgeademova2001 on

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Task Achievement
Consider creating a stronger thesis statement in your introduction to clearly present your viewpoint.
Task Achievement
Expand on your points with more examples and a deeper analysis to better support your argument.
Task Achievement
Ensure you provide a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument comprehensively before concluding.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on structuring your essay with clear paragraphs for the introduction, each main point, and the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
Revise for clarity and try to avoid repetition or overly simplistic statements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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